Delta's World

The Anti-Semitic Side of Zionism

2010-11-09T05:05:00.000-05:00

Amazing Video: Brain-Computer Interface!

2010-08-18T09:35:00.000-04:00

h/t to http://www.osborneink.com/

Thank Goodness For Local News!

2010-03-23T08:13:00.000-04:00

Apple Launches Text-sharing Device, the CoTex

2010-01-30T11:19:00.000-05:00

Absorbs Heavy Flow of Data, Says Jobs

CUPERTINO (The Borowitz Report) - In the same week that it launched its much-touted iPad, Apple introduced its latest game-changer to the tech marketplace, a text-sharing device called the CoTex.
"There are a lot of texting devices out there that can absorb data," said Apple founder Steve Jobs. "But nothing absorbs more than a CoTex."
Mr. Jobs said that when used in conjunction with Apple's just-released mobile device, the AllWays StayFree, "the CoTex has what it takes to handle a heavy flow of information."
When asked about the flurry of new products that Apple has released at the end of January, Mr. Jobs mused, "I guess it's that time of the month."
Elsewhere, a new poll shows that 90 percent of Republicans who did not hear President Obama's State of the Union address disagreed with it.

Ask Sarah Palin - Expert Political Advice for Political People

2010-01-25T19:47:00.000-05:00

As a former governor of the state of Alaska, nominee for the Vice President of the United States of America and current contributor to the Fox News Channel, Sarah Palin possesses an array of credentials that makes her uniquely qualified to provide invaluable counsel to those in seats of political power. To seek Mrs. Palin's guidance, email your inquiry to AskSarahP@FoxNews.com

Dear Mrs. Palin,

Since my rightful and democratic election as President of my native Somalia in January of 2009, I am afraid I have been nothing more than an impotent figurehead. Rather, chaos reigns over my country in the form of paramilitary warfare between countless militias that has killed tens of thousands and displaced over a million more, and I am resigned to preside over little more than the parliamentary building in Mogadishu and the isolated palace in which I live. Please, Mrs. Palin, your counsel.

-Sharif Sheikh Ahmed – President of Somalia

Hey Ahmed,

If Somalia is a country, what's that cereal I've been eating for breakfast for the past nine years? Anyway Sheriff, you sound more like the Mayor of Whinytown the way you're carrying on. I mean, you're the president of the darn country, aren't you? Why don't you stop moping around that palatial tree house of your's and get out there and start acting like it? Look those militia men in the eye and tell them to stop it. You might be surprised, most militiamen secretly crave discipline and a strong hand.

And if that doesn't work, maybe you can move to a more stable country and be President there. Like Raisin Branistan.

-SP

Dear Mrs. Palin,

As the President of the Federated States of Micronesia, my people are facing a terrible crisis. Global warming has raised water levels on our archipelago of low-lying islands, destroying crop land and threatening to submerge entire communities. What do you advise?

-Manny Mori - President of the Federated States of Micronesia

What's Up Manny,

Good news, Manny! Recent emails have proven that global warming is nothing but a conspiracy. Have another pina colada and relax - your islands will be just fine.

-SP

Dear Mrs. Palin,

As the new President of Russia, I have inherited the troubling burden of managing a violent, protracted conflict with a separatist state. My nation's bitter feud with Chechnya has cost billions of rubles and thousands of deaths, including scores of Russian civilians victimized by suicide attacks. Any guidance you might provide in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

-Dmitry Medvedev, President of Russia

Yo Dmitry,

Yes, President Medvedev, as your former neighbor as the Governor of Alaska I have monitored this situation closely from my porch. Though the situation might seem complicated, lowering taxes, both the kind that regular people pay as well as the corporate tax, would certainly lead to a more robust economy and therefore make everybody happy. In addition, I would recommend a new no-tolerance policy against suicide attacks against civilians. Make it known that anybody carrying out such a crime will be subject to execution. I know that helps!

-SP

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

2010-01-13T15:55:00.000-05:00

JANUARY 12, 2010 | ISSUE 46•02

Lucas Faber has tried focusing on Godspell to keep the thought of tithing out of his mind.

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."

ENLARGE IMAGE

Faber's sock drawer is home to a number of illicit magazines he has secretly accepted from street preachers.

According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

"Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

"No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Oral Roberts University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."

Full Body Scans to Double as Annual Checkups

2010-01-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

Solution to Airport Security, Health Care Woes

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) In what some in the White House are calling a "win/win" solution to the nation's airport security and health care reform problems, starting next month U.S. airports will begin conducting full body scans that will double as annual physical checkups.

President Obama announced the breakthrough solution, telling reporters, "With this all-purpose exam, we will be able to find everything from a hidden weapon to a spot on your lung."

After scanning a passenger, Mr. Obama said, "We will either give you a clean bill of health or wrestle you to the ground."

The President added that instituting the body scan/checkup could ward off some terrorists right from the start, "because a lot of them will balk at the $25 co-pay."

But according to Davis Logsdon, who studies terrorism and health care reform at the University of Minnesota, the body scans may attract more terrorists than they deter: "If there's one complaint that terrorists have about al-Qaeda it's that they have lousy benefits."

Elsewhere, a new book claims that actor Warren Beatty slept with 13,000 women, making him the second-ranked golfer in the world

Solution to killer superbug found in Norway

2009-12-31T18:18:00.000-05:00

By MARTHA MENDOZA and MARGIE MASON, Associated Press WritersWed Dec 30, 6:09 pm ET

OSLO, Norway – Aker University Hospital is a dingy place to heal. The floors are streaked and scratched. A light layer of dust coats the blood pressure monitors. A faint stench of urine and bleach wafts from a pile of soiled bedsheets dropped in a corner.

Look closer, however, at a microscopic level, and this place is pristine. There is no sign of a dangerous and contagious staph infection that killed tens of thousands of patients in the most sophisticated hospitals ofEurope, North America and Asia this year, soaring virtually unchecked.

The reason: Norwegians stopped taking so many drugs.

Twenty-five years ago, Norwegians were also losing their lives to this bacteria. But Norway's public health system fought back with an aggressive program that made it the most infection-free country in the world. A key part of that program was cutting back severely on the use of antibiotics.

Now a spate of new studies from around the world prove that Norway's model can be replicated with extraordinary success, and public health experts are saying these deaths — 19,000 in the U.S. each year alone, more than from AIDS — are unnecessary.

"It's a very sad situation that in some places so many are dying from this, because we have shown here in Norway that Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) can be controlled, and with not too much effort," said Jan Hendrik-Binder, Oslo's MRSA medical adviser. "But you have to take it seriously, you have to give it attention, and you must not give up."

The World Health Organization says antibiotic resistance is one of the leading public health threats on the planet. A six-month investigation by The Associated Press found overuse and misuse of medicines has led to mutations in once curable diseases like tuberculosis and malaria, making them harder and in some cases impossible to treat.

Now, in Norway's simple solution, there's a glimmer of hope.

---

Dr. John Birger Haug shuffles down Aker's scuffed corridors, patting the pocket of his baggy white scrubs. "My bible," the infectious disease specialist says, pulling out a little red Antibiotic Guide that details this country's impressive MRSA solution.

It's what's missing from this book — an array of antibiotics — that makes it so remarkable.

"There are times I must show these golden rules to our doctors and tell them they cannot prescribe something, but our patients do not suffer more and our nation, as a result, is mostly infection free," he says.

Norway's model is surprisingly straightforward.

• Norwegian doctors prescribe fewer antibiotics than any other country, so people do not have a chance to develop resistance to them.

• Patients with MRSA are isolated and medical staff who test positive stay at home.

• Doctors track each case of MRSA by its individual strain, interviewing patients about where they've been and who they've been with, testing anyone who has been in contact with them.

Haug unlocks the dispensary, a small room lined with boxes of pills, bottles of syrups and tubes of ointment. What's here? Medicines considered obsolete in many developed countries. What's not? Some of the newest, most expensive antibiotics, which aren't even registered for use in Norway, "because if we have them here, doctors will use them," he says.

He points to an antibiotic. "If I treated someone with an infection in Spain with this penicillin I would probably be thrown in jail," he says, "and rightly so because it's useless there."

Norwegians are sanguine about their coughs and colds, toughing it out through low-grade infections.

"We don't throw antibiotics at every person with a fever. We tell them to hang on, wait and see, and we give them a Tylenol to feel better," says Haug.

Convenience stores in downtown Oslo are stocked with an amazing and colorful array — 42 different brands at one downtown 7-Eleven — of soothing, but non-medicated, lozenges, sprays and tablets. All workers are paid on days they, or their children, stay home sick. And drug makers aren't allowed to advertise, reducing patient demands for prescription drugs.

In fact, most marketing here sends the opposite message: "Penicillin is not a cough medicine," says the tissue packet on the desk of Norway's MRSA control director, Dr. Petter Elstrom.

He recognizes his country is "unique in the world and best in the world" when it comes to MRSA. Less than 1 percent of health care providers are positive carriers of MRSA staph.

But Elstrom worries about the bacteria slipping in through other countries. Last year almost every diagnosed case in Norway came from someone who had been abroad.

"So far we've managed to contain it, but if we lose this, it will be a huge problem," he said. "To be very depressing about it, we might in some years be in a situation where MRSA is so endemic that we have to stop doing advanced surgeries, things like organ transplants, if we can't prevent infections. In the worst case scenario we are back to 1913, before we had antibiotics."

---

Forty years ago, a new spectrum of antibiotics enchanted public health officials, quickly quelling one infection after another. In wealthier countries that could afford them, patients and providers came to depend on antibiotics. Trouble was, the more antibiotics are consumed, the more resistant bacteria develop.

Norway responded swiftly to initial MRSA outbreaks in the 1980s by cutting antibiotic use. Thus while they got ahead of the infection, the rest of the world fell behind.

In Norway, MRSA has accounted for less than 1 percent of staph infections for years. That compares to 80 percent in Japan, the world leader in MRSA; 44 percent in Israel; and 38 percent in Greece.

In the U.S., cases have soared and MRSA cost $6 billion last year. Rates have gone up from 2 percent in 1974 to 63 percent in 2004. And in the United Kingdom, they rose from about 2 percent in the early 1990s to about 45 percent, although an aggressive control program is now starting to work.

About 1 percent of people in developed countries carry MRSA on their skin. Usually harmless, the bacteria can be deadly when they enter a body, often through a scratch. MRSA spreads rapidly in hospitals where sick people are more vulnerable, but there have been outbreaks in prisons, gyms, even on beaches. When dormant, the bacteria are easily detected by a quick nasal swab and destroyed by antibiotics.

Dr. John Jernigan at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said they incorporate some of Norway's solutions in varying degrees, and his agency "requires hospitals to move the needle, to show improvement, and if they don't show improvement they need to do more."

And if they don't?

"Nobody is accountable to our recommendations," he said, "but I assume hospitals and institutions are interested in doing the right thing."

Dr. Barry Farr, a retired epidemiologist who watched a successful MRSA control program launched 30 years ago at the University of Virginia's hospitals, blamed theCDC for clinging to past beliefs that hand washing is the best way to stop the spread of infections like MRSA. He says it's time to add screening and isolation methods to their controls.

The CDC needs to "eat a little crow and say, 'Yeah, it does work,'" he said. "There's example after example. We don't need another study. We need somebody to just do the right thing."

---

But can Norway's program really work elsewhere?

The answer lies in the busy laboratory of an aging little public hospital about 100 miles outside of London. It's here that microbiologist Dr. Lynne Liebowitz got tired of seeing the stunningly low Nordic MRSA rates while facing her own burgeoning cases.

So she turned Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Kings Lynn into a petri dish, asking doctors to almost completely stop using two antibiotics known for provoking MRSA infections.

One month later, the results were in: MRSA rates were tumbling. And they've continued to plummet. Five years ago, the hospital had 47 MRSA bloodstream infections. This year they've had one.

"I was shocked, shocked," says Liebowitz, bouncing onto her toes and grinning as colleagues nearby drip blood onto slides and peer through microscopes in the hospital laboratory.

When word spread of her success, Liebowitz's phone began to ring. So far she has replicated her experiment at four other hospitals, all with the same dramatic results.

"It's really very upsetting that some patients are dying from infections which could be prevented," she says. "It's wrong."

Around the world, various medical providers have also successfully adapted Norway's program with encouraging results. A medical center in Billings, Mont., cut MRSA infections by 89 percent by increasing screening, isolating patients and making all staff — not just doctors — responsible for increasing hygiene.

In Japan, with its cutting-edge technology and modern hospitals, about 17,000 people die from MRSA every year.

Dr. Satoshi Hori, chief infection control doctor at Juntendo University Hospital in Tokyo, says doctors overprescribe antibiotics because they are given financial incentives to push drugs on patients.

Hori now limits antibiotics only to patients who really need them and screens and isolates high-risk patients. So far his hospital has cut the number of MRSA cases by two-thirds.

In 2001, the CDC approached a Veterans Affairs hospital in Pittsburgh about conducting a small test program. It started in one unit, and within four years, the entire hospital was screening everyone who came through the door for MRSA. The result: an 80 percent decrease in MRSA infections. The program has now been expanded to all 153 VA hospitals, resulting in a 50 percent drop in MRSA bloodstream infections, said Dr. Robert Muder, chief of infectious diseases at the VA Pittsburgh Healthcare System.

"It's kind of a no-brainer," he said. "You save people pain, you save people the work of taking care of them, you save money, you save lives and you can export what you learn to other hospital-acquired infections."

Pittsburgh's program has prompted all other major hospital-acquired infections to plummet as well, saving roughly $1 million a year.

"So, how do you pay for it?" Muder asked. "Well, we just don't pay for MRSA infections, that's all."

---

Beth Reimer of Batavia, Ill., became an advocate for MRSA precautions after her 5-week-old daughter Madeline caught a cold that took a fatal turn. One day her beautiful baby had the sniffles. The next?

"She wasn't breathing. She was limp," the mother recalled. "Something was terribly wrong."

MRSA had invaded her little lungs. The antibiotics were useless. Maddie struggled to breathe, swallow, survive, for two weeks.

"For me to sit and watch Madeline pass away from such an aggressive form of something, to watch her fight for her little life — it was too much," Reimer said.

Since Madeline's death, Reimer has become outspoken about the need for better precautions, pushing for methods successfully used in Norway. She's stunned, she said, that anyone disputes the need for change.

"Why are they fighting for this not to take place?" she said.

____

Martha Mendoza is an AP national writer who reported from Norway and England. Margie Mason is an AP medical writer based in Vietnam, who reported while on a fellowship from The Nieman Foundation at Harvard University.

James Balog: Time-lapse proof of extreme ice loss

2009-12-27T18:14:00.000-05:00

Little Girl Ruins Christmas Mass

2009-12-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

For those who think Christmas mass has gotten a little stale, leave it to little girl Melissa Bell to spice things up.

You may remember Melissa as the girl whoproclaimed her love to Ashton Kutcher with a glowing piece of fan fiction. Well, she's back, and is armed with an extremely depressing story of marital failure. She regales the audience with the squirm-inducing tale under the guise of a speech about 'what Christmas means to her." We know it's a joke, but the looks on the others' faces are priceless.

Worst Speeches of All Time: Girl Ruins Christmas Mass

www.comedycentral.com

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

French Students Make Amazing Stop-Motion Video

2009-12-24T13:52:00.000-05:00

When we were in school, we highly doubt that "amazing" was used to describe any of our student projects. Perhaps reviews like "satisfactory" and "time's up" were thrown around. But this stop-motion video, made by 300 French students for the ESCP Business School, is in fact amazing. Regardless of what the actual assignment was, we can only assume they passed with flying colors.

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

2009-12-23T09:41:00.000-05:00

Lord God, Creator of All, caught thousands of Sumerian farmers and mathematicians somewhat off guard.

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

And Just In Time For Christmas

2009-12-21T17:03:00.000-05:00

by Deb

Just in case anyone was worried about what else could possibly happen after I reported the End of The World As We Know It back in September, I bring you now Michael Menkin, inventor of the Thought Screen Helmet. In his selfless quest to save humanity from the Alien Mind Control Invasion From Hell, Mr. Menkin is hand-crafting helmets in his home that will not only put the tin foil helmet industry to shame, but will also help the rest of us readily identify the people who should be under close medical supervision, because they will be wearing ridiculous hats.

In a photo on his website, www. StopAbductions.com, Mr. Menkin appears to be an industrious, grandfatherly type who, if he were not clearly insane, looks like he would make a good small-town mayor or perhaps even a relatively benign mall Santa. So how did Mr. Menkin get involved in the business of gluing Velostat into aviator helmets and baseball caps to prevent the aliens from scrambling people’s thoughts, you ask? Well, turns out he spent his career working for a whole slew of government agencies and large, technology-based corporations, like NASA and Boeing. He’s pretty well irradiated at this point, would be my guess.

Anyway, I can’t argue with someone who is so clearly delivering the kind of entertainment that makes you laugh until your fillings fall outperforming a public service. Just read this stirring testimonial, from a faithful customer in Kentucky:

Since trying Michael Menkin’s helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.

I’m sure I can speak for the rest of society when I say, “Thank goodness!” and also, “Please stay in Kentucky! Ha ha!”

The website also thoughtfully gives instructions on how to make your own helmet, should you feel that the invasion is imminent. The trick here, apparently, is to make the helmet as quickly as possible before the aliens gain control of your tiny little mind and then shove the helmet into a cabinet and LOCK THAT BABY UP.

You read that right. The aliens are an advanced race that can fly through the galaxies and control our minds , but a Schlage is beyond them. No word on the site as to what you’re supposed to do when the aliens can’t get to your helmet in the locked cabinet, but your brains are unprotected.

http://debamlen.com/2009/12/20/and-just-in-time-for-christmas/

Minolta Introduces Butt-Friendly Copier

2009-12-21T16:50:00.000-05:00

Stamford, CT | In a move to capture the lucrative 18 to 24 year old buyers market, Minolta Technologies has introduced a copier designed specifically to accommodate people wanting to xerox their buttocks.

The ARSe-2020 system is a combination scanner, fax machine and high-speed RGB laser printer, capable of up to 30 copies per minute.

In addition to boasting higher resolution and truer flesh tones, the object window is made of a new hypoallergenic Plexiglas. It is thin but remarkably strong, and slightly contoured.

When attached to the optional storage base, the entire unit is only three feet high, for stabilization and more comfortable seating.

Priced under $700, marketing will be aimed at college libraries and Gen-X dot com businesses. Also under development is a bankcard-operated version for placement in retail locations like Kinko's and Hooters.

Sunset Promo with Mrs. Bobbie

2009-12-21T07:50:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Bobbie - Why do I need an iPod?

2009-12-21T07:48:00.000-05:00

The Known Universe by American Museum of Natural History: OUTSTANDING!

2009-12-20T10:53:00.001-05:00

This awesome video from the American Museum of Natural History takes you on a tour of the known universe, starting with Earth and zooming out to the farthest reaches and corners of the universe that we've discovered. The video is astronomically accurate:

Every satellite, moon, planet, star and galaxy is represented to scale and in its correct, measured location according to the best scientific research to-date.

Visit Kottke for more details on the video.

The Ultimate Christmas Light Display!

2009-12-14T19:55:00.000-05:00

Alyssa Milano: I'm Giving Up My 37th Birthday!

2009-12-14T06:36:00.001-05:00

"If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water." - LORAN EISELY
I'm giving up my 37th Birthday and it has nothing to do with vanity or nearing the big 4-0. I couldn't care less about numbers as they pertain to my age. I do, however, care about age when it pertains to those throughout the world who don't make it to their 37th birthdays because of a lack of clean drinking water and proper sanitation.
As a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF and the founding ambassador for the Global Network, I've traveled to the field and seen firsthand the devastation left behind by waterborne illnesses. On these trips, I've run the gamut of emotions that range from mind-bending anger to heart-warming hope. Upon my return from the field, I count my blessings, and then as time passes, I become frustrated with myself that I'm not doing more to alleviate the pain of those I met on my journey.

It is because of this very frustration that I decided to give up my birthday. I have everything I could ever want or need. All I want is to provide life-giving water for 10 communities, 500 families and 2,500 people. This is my Birthday wish. In lieu of spending money on a party or presents, I'm asking people to donate to my Charity: Water campaign and help make my wish come true.
Charity: Water is a grassroots non-profit that was founded in 2006. In just a little more than 3 years, they've engaged more than 75,000 donors around the world, and raised over $13 million for operations and water projects. 100% of public donations directly fund water projects. They've funded 1500 water projects in 16 countries that will serve over 800,000 people. Simply put, Charity: Water, funds clean water projects that save lives.
Currently, almost a billion people in the world don't have access to life's most basic need: clean and safe drinking water. That's 1 in 8 people on the planet. Over 200 million people right now have a water-related disease called schistosomiasis... It's a fancy word for parasites. Worms. When you see a heartbreaking photo of a malnourished child with an extended belly, that child most likely has this waterborne schistosomiasis and no matter what food or nutrients you give them, without proper medication and clean water they most likely will not survive.
As we take a sip of our water from the fridge and don't think twice about it, there are people that have to walk hours a day fetching unsafe water from remote areas. Imagine that. Imagine having to walk for hours and hours, every day, just to retrieve contaminated water that will most likely get you sick and maybe even kill you. And the time spent collecting this water, keeps children out of school and women from pursuing economic growth. Not having access to clean drinking water perpetuates the cycle of poverty.
No child should ever die from a preventable cause and 4,500 children will die TODAY from water-related illnesses. This year, in this country alone, we'll spend about 450 million dollars a year on presents, decorations and "stuff" for Christmas. That is enough to give everyone on earth clean, life-giving water, a couple of times over.
I believe it is innately within us, as warriors of the human spirit, to give to those less fortunate. Sometimes, we just don't know how to go about doing it. If this rings true for you, I encourage you to watch the below video, be inspired, and join me by starting your own holiday campaign today at http://www.charitywater.org/holidays.

WATCH:

The story of charity: water - The 2009 September Campaign Trailer from charity: water on Vimeo.

Best Commercial Ever!

2009-12-10T18:11:00.000-05:00

A Little Fishing Humor

2009-12-08T17:20:00.000-05:00

Sharks With Human Teeth

2009-12-07T06:58:00.000-05:00

Don’t look so scary now, do they?

Rupert Murdoch - Australia's Revenge On Britain And America.

2009-12-05T15:07:00.000-05:00

Written by rfreed

An incredible subversive plot has been uncovered in America that could erode the very foundations of our democracy.

Angered over the U.S.'s alleged covert interference with their politics in the ousting of Prime Minister Gough Whitlam in 1975, Australia has hatched an incredible, long term plot to bring the giant nation down.

Spearheaded and personally put into action by super Australian newspaper magnet Rupert Murdoch, the Aussies concocted a plot that hit directly at America's Achilles heel- our political naivety. Their devious plan was to create a media empire that would wave the American flag and pretend to be super patriots, but in reality convolute America politics to such an extent that it would be the basis for setting up a right wing dictatorship.

Murdoch himself took control of the action, going to America and buying up all the magazines, newspapers and stations he could. The super spy even went so far as to become an American citizen so that he could more easily and legally conduct his dark business. He appeared in court and, with fingers firmly crossed behind his back, pledged his allegiance to the new flag which, in years to come, he would wrap around himself like a roman toga and pretend to be a patriot to.

Years of mole like work finally resulted with his piece de la resistance- the creation of Fox News. It was a masterpiece of right wing patch work- a Frankenstein of conservative opinion and punditry that was buffed and polished and turned into a gleaming, superficial, seamless juggernaut.

Fox News soon evolved (oops, wrong choice of words; Fox viewers do not believe in anything to do with evolution) advanced into being experts at crushing opposing opinions, tearing down ideas they don't like, undermining democratic institutions and exacting character assassinations on opponents.

The summation of all Fox's hard work will come to fruition in 2012 when the conservative alliance will eliminate all elections, have all Democrats eradicated and host a special ceremony for the crowning of Murdoch as the first king of the U.S.A. The crowning event will be the torching of a huge pyre of non-Murdoch newspapers in front of the White House with Obama tied on top of them.

Printed from: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i64390

Bill O'Reilly Interviews God, Viscious Fight Ensues

2009-12-05T14:36:00.000-05:00

Written by rfreed

In a controversial incident on Fox News, Bill O'Reilly was interviewing God, asking how the Almighty could come to allow the Democrats to run both the Senate and White House.

During God's attempt to explain that he had to be fair to all sides, O'Reilly got peeved when God started to explain the Democrats point of view and constantly interrupted Him. Midway through the show O'Reilly blew his stack and told God to "Shut up!" Jehovah (our society now allows us to go on a first name basis with everyone) was taken aback at this. Three thousand years ago he would have rained fire and brimstone down upon the commentator, but the Jesus thing two thousand years ago has mellowed him out. Jehovah kept his cool and said, "Now Bill, we don't have to get so personal about all this"

The inflamed Irishman stayed inflamed. "To hell I don't! I get paid damn good money to push certain points on my show and not others! By God, those points will get top billing here and not those of the spineless Democrats!"

Now it was Jehovah's turn to lose it. "All creatures in this world have their own program they run by and they are allowed to have it. That is the way it is and that is the way it will stay! And when you take my name in vain you better be smiling when you say it! And when you say "to Hell with something, remember, I am the One holding the one way tickets for getting there! Remember, are always seats open!"

The two god like beings were standing nose to nose, fists clenched in anger. O'Reilly, used to intimidating his guests with his 6"2' height, was not used to dealing with an omniscient superstar who towered above him.

"Well...well...I bet you would do the same for the Muslims!"

"You bet I would. Why, I even express the side of the Republicans sometimes."

With that, O'Reilly went buggy eyed and, not knowing what to do, stormed off his own set.

God, left alone with the microphone, began to do improvisational karaoke until senior Fox officials came around and pulled the plug. Security then roughly escorted God to the door.

Fox's ratings that night went through the roof, especially the karaoke part.

Printed from: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i64496

Uganda Responds To International Furor Over “Kill Gays” Bill

2009-12-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

Jim Burroway

http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2009/12/03/17181

December 3rd, 2009

(Update: The Daily Monitor has more details on Nsaba Buturo’s statement at the government Media Centre. See below for details)
James Nsaba Buturo, Uganda’s Minister for Ethics and Integrity, has issued a statement through the Ugandan government’s official Media Centre addressing criticisms over the proposed Anti-Homosexuality Act. This is the bill that provides the death penalty for conviction of homosexuality under certain circumstances, provides a lifetime imprisonment for all other cases, and a seven year sentence for “attempted” homosexuality. It also criminalizes free speech on behalf of LGBT citizens (seven year’s imprisonment) and criminalizes all acquaintance of gay people (failure to report gays to police within 24 hours of learning someone is gay brings a three year prison sentence). Sweden announced that they intend to cut aid to Uganda should this bill go forward. Nsaba Buturo responds:

There is a Bill in Parliament known as the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. This subject is causing a great deal of interest around the world. The people of Uganda believe that practicing anal sex at the expense of heterosexual sex is not a normal practice. Ugandans know or believe that homosexuality involves practices that are dangerous and high risk to the human body which is designed for heterosexual functions. Ugandans also believe that anal sexual intercourse, foreign objects used in sexual intercourse and promiscuity do not deserve to be defended at all. Having said that, it is clear to many of us that the over reaction so far is not surprising to us. Uganda accepts that in some countries it is normal practice for men to sleep with men and women with women. It is often defended that imperatives of human rights defend this practice. We do not believe so in Uganda. Majority of Ugandans hate to see the promotion of illegalities that they consider as dysfunctional, abnormal and unhealthy.
Ever since the Bill on Homosexuality was presented in Parliament, there have been various reactions as well as over-reactions from countries which are annoyed at our independence to enact our Laws. Consequently, we hear they are threatening to take action against Uganda. It is revealing that support to Uganda literally translated means that it is on condition that Uganda should do the bidding of givers of such support regardless of what Ugandans themselves think. It is also revealing that support which would benefit countless number of orphans, children and mothers can be withdrawn simply because Government is protecting its citizens against vices such as homosexuality. Government has been clear about this matter that homosexuality or homosexual practices will not be promoted, encouraged and recommended to the people of Uganda.
Finally, on the issue of the Bill, those who are promising threats to the people of Uganda need to be helped to understand that the Bill is going through the normal democratic process of debate. The Bill is not the final document that will become Law. If there is belief that threats will influence Parliament to debate against the wishes of Uganda, those responsible for such threats should forget. We should all wait to see how Members of Parliament will acquit themselves over this matter.

It’s difficult to know how to read this statement. It is certainly a vigorous defense of Uganda’s willingness to do whatever they want against a reviled minority. But it also hints at changes in the proposed law. Whether that comes to pass is uncertain. But one thing we do know is this: they are certainly feeling the heat. The UN Secretary General’s Special Envoy on AIDS in Africa, Elizabeth Mataka, was in Kampala to attend events commemorating World AIDS Day. While there, she reportedly met on Monday with MP David Bahati, the primary sponsor of the Anti-Homosexuality Act, to voice the UN’s concerns over the bill’s effects on anti-AIDS efforts. She was also expected to meet with President Yoweri Museveni.

James Nsaba Buturo speaking at the government Media Centre (Geoffrey Sseruyange/Daily Monitor)

Update: The Daily Monitor has a story about remarks Nsabe Buturo made at the government Media Centre yesterday. In response to Sweeden’s threat to withhold aid to Uganda if the bill passes, Buturi said:

“Homosexuality will not be promoted, encouraged or supported in Uganda,” Mr Buturo added.
Mr Buturo told journalists at the Uganda Media Centre in Kampala that: “We should remind them (the donors) that there is integrity to be defended and threats are not the way to go. If one chooses to withdraw their aid, they are free because Ugandans do not want to engage in anal sex. We do not care.”
…As Mr Buturo was castigating donors, the Uganda Human Rights Commission announced that it will scrutinise the Bill and make recommendations before it is debated. Commission Chairman, Mr Med Kaggwa, said the exercise will help establish whether the Bill, which has been criticised by some rights groups, violates human rights.
“What I can say is that we are human rights defenders and if they (gays) come and complain of discrimination we shall handle their cases,” he said without divulging details.

History Channel Begins Incorporating Product Placements into History

2009-11-27T19:06:00.000-05:00

Citing a decline in revenue from traditional advertising methods, the History Channel has begun incorporating product placements into its programs to boost profits.

The tactical shift, though assailed by many purists who claim for instance that one of the foremost motivations for the black civil rights movement of the 1950s and 60s was not access to lower auto insurance rates, will bring the network into the 21st century as it continues to dedicate itself to educating its audience on the major environmental disasters, fighter plane dogfights and various other events of the past, its owners argue.

"The use of product placements reinforces our commitment to our shareholders, and are being deployed with discretion to minimize the impact they have on the integrity of our programming," remarked A&E Television Networks spokesman Charles Manning, "For example, a recently aired documentary on the Civil War that summarizes Abraham Lincoln's famous Expedia.com Address didn't change a word of the speech's original content."

Critics of the move disagree however, claiming that the branding being insinuated into the channel's programming is neither subtle nor innocuous to its accuracy.

"For every technically accurate footnote they throw in - such as the fact that John F. Kennedy's tragic assassination came 45 years before the highly anticipated release of Metallica's ninth studio album - there are at least five more that are not only completely out of context but entirely inaccurate and just plain absurd," argued University of North Carolina Professor of History Michael Buckley.

"For example, the sinking of the Titanic could not have been averted if the ship's captain had been drinking V8 as the beverage wasn't even invented until 21 years later, Hitler wasn't a Pepsi drinker regardless of what Coca-Cola's marketing department might have you believe, and there was no Staples on the lunar surface when Apollo 11 touched down there on July 20, 1969. For crying out loud, Armstrong and Aldrin were the first men to even set foot on the moon. Who would have been shopping there, martian office managers?"

Though the network says they honor such feedback, they claim that it isn't necessary relevant.

"We certainly appreciate the enthusiasm some have expressed in the interest of maintaining historical accuracy, however the content of our programming is intended for entertainment purposes exclusively, as is stated within the disclaimer that appears in the credits of every program we produce," declared A&E Vice President of Marketing Joanne Steele, "And for the record, the special on the Titanic which was referenced never intended to suggest that Captain Whats-his-name could have been a V8 drinker and thus avoided crashing into the gigantic, delicious cherry-lime Peel-a-Pop popsicle, but that it likely wouldn't have happened if he had, hypothetically been able to keep his diet straight with V8."

Related - Airing tonight on The History Channel: 8pm - Exploring the Magic of Netflix, 9pm - The Wonderful World of Miracle Whip

Army Claims Soldier's Bullet Wounds a "Pre-existing" Condition, Denies Benefits

2009-11-27T18:54:00.001-05:00

According to the Army, Gunnery Sergeant Brady Nichols of Columbus, South Carolina was shot twice in the leg and once in the buttocks before entering the military and being deployed to Iraq.

"That's ridicuolous," says Nichols, whose family is currently paying out-of-pocket for the physical therapy he is undergoing to repair the trauma he says was inflicted on the lower right side of his body in a firefight with insurgents on January 23rd near Baghdad.

"I think I would have remembered being shot in the ass if it had happened before then," Nichols argues, "It's not one of life's little mundanities that you forget about or get mixed up."

In his discharge papers however, the Army contends Nichols' was deactivated as a result of the "sudden re-aggravation of pre-existing injuries concealed from Army medical personnel during the enlistment phase", justifying the denial of veteran medical and disability benefits.

Furthermore, records indicate that Nichols' case isn't an isolated one as thousands more veterans have been caught trying to cheat the government out of money to pay for a wide array of pre-existing physical and mental injuries they claim were sustained in Iraq, Afghanistan or elsewhare.

Commented one anonymous high ranking Army official: "It's a real shame, and you hate to see it, but it happens all the time. Men and women who cleverly concealed their psychosis, blindness, missing limbs, what-have-you during their initial physical exams who suddenly re-discover their conditions on the battlefield after deciding they've had enough and come home with their hands out. Disgraceful."

Interestingly, many former soldiers who have attempted this scam continue the charade even after being caught in the act by the military. Men such as Jon Town, who, after a 107-millimeter rocket detonated against a doorway two feet from his head in Iraq, lost his nerve for fighting and tried to cash in by claiming the symptoms from a pre-existing personality disorder were in fact caused by the explosion.

"I've struggled for the three years since that day with partial deafness, memory loss, depression, and perhaps most of all, the Army, who has refused me my benefits," says Town.

Apparently some people don't know when to give it up.

Ancient Race of Christian Man Discovered – Evolution Debunked?

2009-11-25T19:03:00.000-05:00

A group of Christian scientists triumphantly announced their discovery of archaeological evidence that could disprove the theory of evolution once and for all during a news conference at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky yesterday.

Although careful to disclaim the conclusions they’ve begun extrapolating from the brittle, pre-historic artifacts harvested from a recovery site located deep within the Ozarks of northern Arkansas, the researchers claim that they are very, very old, pre-dating the point evolutionists claim humans branched off from their primate family tree by a very long time – likely as many as many, many centuries.

“Despite the fact that the area's uncommonly rigid soil and humid climate kept this exceptional site very well preserved and above ground for millions of years, the puzzle will take some time to completely assemble," commented Travis Turley, the project’s team leader, "But from the analysis we’ve conducted so far one thing is for certain – there were men before there were monkeys.”

According to Turley’s team’s findings, including the physical remains of an entire family unit consisting of a father, mother, a male child and a four legged monkey presumed to be their pet, pre-historic humans living in the southern region of what is now the United States walked upright, subsisted from an omnivorous diet consisting of a variety of microwaveable and pre-packaged foods, watched television, and were predominately Christian.

"Incredibly, these extraordinary people reached a commensurate level of technological and cultural sophistication with modern man millions of years ago. Evidence demonstrates that the pre-historic Christian lived in motorized and mobile homes which could be moved from place to place, enjoyed watching television - especially professional wrestling matches they preserved using their own primitive equivalents of contemporary video recording devices, and had invented gun powder and firearms," Turley reported, adding: "In fact, one could argue they were more advanced than us in some regards as they presaged the eventual coming of Christ."

So what became of this ancient, precocious civilization of man?

“Pre-historic Christians flourished under a framework of strong family values and a free market system of commerce for thousands of years before falling out of God’s good graces somehow, possibly by adopting a tolerance for homosexual lifestyles, precipitating an invasion by liberal hordes from the northeast,” Turley explained.

“Overrun, the heretics attempted to stamp out pre-Christian society by stifling their economy with a multitude of onerous taxes and imposing mandatory abortions. Furthermore, facial and other anatomical features observed in the child suggests the barbarian invaders had sex with the pre-Christians’ pet monkeys – an abomination that accounts for the emergence of those simian creatures whose fossils would give rise to the flawed theory of evolution while, at the time, constituted another source of anguish so profound that many pre-Christians, including the family in question here, were driven to breach the edicts of their faith and tragically turn their guns on themselves.”

Chinese Are Evil But Racism Is Always Unacceptable

2009-11-22T18:40:00.001-05:00

My friends, as we sit peacefully at home right now, ready to enjoy the freedoms of love and Democracy on a Saturday, the devious little hands of the Chinese plot our demise.
They detonate nukes in the name of their god. They daydream about the moment when the lifeblood of your loved ones trickles down their family’s ceremonial Samurai sword. Make no mistake, we should have great fear of the Asiatic Chinese, for the day shall come when they attack and try to kill us all dead!
As mentioned before, I am extremely terrified of Chinese people, but I am not racist. You should feel the same way too.
Every day readers send in thousands of emails, many asking for loving lifetips and others sending items of immorality. Sadly, there is one other type of email: those accusing me of being racist for wanting my country to protect my family from the roving hordes of the Chinese.
Dear readers, racism is a very ugly thing. It pains my heart when the poor little Mexicans who sneak to our country cannot speak American, just because their friends are all too racist to learn the ‘gringoes’ tongue.
I hate it when I go to my son’s sporting events and notice all the nice little Afro children sitting together with their big white tshirts and high fives, segregating themselves from mingling with the school’s original neighborhood population.
Christ had love for all the other races, be they black, yellow, brown or red. He did not discriminate against those without his white skin, but offered his love and mercy instead. We should do the same thing too.
Christ’s love is a wonderful thing and so it’s such a sad shame that so many immoral peoples have burning hate in their hearts.
I will never understand why a nation stockpiles nuclear weapons and threatens to fire missiles at all who are different. I will never understand why they instill unfounded fears in the hearts of their children, spreading lies and teaching their young to give misgivings to all who are different.
My friends, just like the Arab terror people the Chinese are scared to death of our great nation and therefore embrace a culture that’s against the American race.
From the moment it is born, they brainwash their kids to hate our American ways; they teach teach them we are very different, shield them from the good of our culture and then, make them think we are all out to get them.
Raised in such an environment, it is no surprise that terrorist Chinese sneaked over to bomb Pearl Harbor, the little sand terrorists grew up wanting to destroy our Twin Towers and now, they are developing nukes to shoot at your family.
I fear that it is too late for these people. There are over 2 billion Chinese and Arab terrors in Asia, all raised wanting the same thing: being the harbingers of death and destruction to Americans.
Against such odds we must endure in this world. A world in which over 1/3 of the population hates our American DNA and wants us, our God and our civilization all dead, dead, DEAD.
In granting us the capacity to love, God also born with us the capacity for wisdom. China’s culture is veiled and when they show off a bit of it, it’s always to remind us that they want us gone.
We know very little about the Chinese besides that they teach their kids that America is evil, that there is a war coming and that they will have great rewards in terracotta heaven for killing us all dead.
For these reasons, let us continue to hide in the throne room and pray that God blesses us with the strength to protect ourselves from the Chinese. Let us pray that we get a good leader like Senator McCarthy or President Bush who will protect us from communist conspirators.
Above all else, let us teach our children the lessons of Christ. It is not okay to be racist against the Chinese, but it is fine to be extremely terrified of their unknown culture and sinister warmongering machinations.
Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.

If Marijuana Production Were Legal: Projected Tax Revenues, by State

2009-11-18T11:34:00.001-05:00

Love it or hate it, people smoke marijuana - lots of it. In some states marijuana consumption and posession have been decriminalized, and even legalized for medicinal purposes. But, have you ever wondered how large the economics of Marijuana were? Us too. As a result ,have decided to put together this graphic, which illustrates the popularity of marijuana consumption, the federal tax dollars spent to keep marijuana illegal, and the possible tax revenues that could be generated if marijuana production were legalized and taxed like any other agricultural product. It is especially interesting, with regards to the Great Recession:

Greek Priest Terrorist Thwarted in Florida

2009-11-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

Hello America, if you’ve been reading the news you’ve doubtless heard about the terrorist attack that was thwarted recently in Miami by Hero Jasen D. Bruce. Mr. Bruce, a Marine reservist who works in a pharmacy, was violently confronted by a terrorist as he was washing his car, forcing Mr. Bruce to defend himself from the terrorist using only his bare hands and a tire-iron. While it turned out to be a false alarm and the terrorist was a visiting greek orthodox priest asking for directions, that still doesn’t mean the priest should be let off the hook. Predictably the liberal media have tried to paint it as an overreaction by Mr. Bruce when the reality is he was just doing his job as a patriot and defender of Freedom. To all you liberals get it through your heads: America is #1, always and forever, and with a concerned and educated citizenry like Jasen Bruce we will never let terrorists hurt us overseas or at home again!

Terrorist Welcome Wagon: Who says Greek orthodox priests aren’t in league with the terrorists: ever eaten tzatziki sauce? It terrorized my bowel movements for about 3 weeks straight!

The liberal media brought out it’s usual chumps to give commentary: Mike Marilopoulopoulis from St. Nicholas parish said he was ‘horrified’ and long-time resident Nancy Millipasillidoulis said it was ‘unthinkable’ such a thing could have happened. With last names like that, just guess which side they’re on. Remember America: you’re either with us, or you’re with the terrorists. Which begs the question: was a tire-iron enough for Jasen Bruce to protect himself? As Christians we can all agree that the answer is: no way! While here at STR we would never advocate violence of any kind, it’s pretty clear Mr. Bruce should have been carrying some kind of semi-automatic firearm, maybe a full-auto machinegun.
“Bruce was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and released after posting $7,500 bail. His attorney, Jeffrey Brown, said his client was only trying to protect himself.” Bruce also accused the priest of “being a robber, terrorist and molester“. Look, if you’re a hairy dirty darky and you start groping and grabbing at a Marine, mumbling in some pycho-babble language, why would you be amazed at the Rambo-style ass-kicking you get? Don’t think because you’re a souvlaki-bandit that you’re going to get away with it here in America. The priest Maniacis, who also teaches ethics at college, reportedly had prayed for Mr. Bruce and asked for his forgiveness from God and was trying to downplay the incident saying “he doesn’t want the ministry to be scandalized.” You call that a ‘Christian’? He’s still a criminal suspect in my book. Let’s keep America strong: even if Mr. Bruce might have had a slip in his judgment, we can’t let suspicious behavior go unreported, any more than a car can be allowed to drive through a roadblock in Iraq without getting brought to a halt by gunfire. We’re fighting a war, the enemy could be anywhere. It’s the way it is, and it’s vigilance by every citizen that keeps this country the freest and most democratic in the world.
Always Right,
Charles Roast III

Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toast

2009-11-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

For Immediate Release: Miracle Toast?

(ACPA-london) Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following news that local atheist Donald Chapman saw an image of the Big-Bang in a piece of toast. In an exclusive interview with "The Huddlesfield Express" Chapman, 36, explained that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.
"I was just about to spread the butter when I saw a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring," said Chapman. "Then to my amazement I noticed the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs, with their changing shades emanating outwards from the center of the black hole. It was identical to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that followed the Big-Bang. It's the beginning of the world!"
Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have flocked to Huddlesfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. "I have always been an Atheist and to see my life choices validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding," exclaimed one guest at the Huddlesfield Arms hotel.
To the surprise of many, the UK National Atheist Association has asked its members not to pay attention to the story despite its potential to inspire less faith. "Given what the religious believe already, this is an easy sell," complained one disgruntled activist who said he was going to Huddlesfield anyway noting that "Seeing is not believing".

You Won't Believe This One!

2009-11-10T18:25:00.000-05:00

Fox News Reports: Millions of Grannies Flee U.S. as Death Panels Loom

2009-11-09T06:29:00.000-05:00

November 9, 2009

Glenn Beck: "Run For Your Lives"

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - With the establishment of government-mandated death panels just days away, grandmothers began fleeing the United States in record numbers today, reports Fox News.
"I am never one to yell ‘Fire' in a crowded theater," said Fox News host Glenn Beck. "But run for your lives!"
Across the country, slow-moving caravans of 1980s-era Cadillacs with turn signals blinking were making the torturous journey to the Canadian border, their back seats laden with cats, knitting projects, and bottles of Ensure.
Fox News may have set off the mass exodus by warning grannies that if they did not flee quickly enough they would face government-mandated organ harvesting.
Elsewhere, anti-healthcare protesters objected to the language of the House bill, saying there were too many polysyllabic words.

Receive a Free Frozen Turkey By Accepting Jesus Christ as Your Personal Savior Before December 25th!

2009-11-07T08:20:00.000-05:00

LIMITED TIME SALVATION OFFER, WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!

There is no better way we can think of to celebrate a new life in Christ Jesus than with a delicious turkey dinner given to you at Thanksgiving by a fully clothed white man! Our Christian turkey farmers in Freehold, Iowa are known throughout these United States for producing some of the most enormous fowls in America, using only the very finest of domestic steroids and experimental hormones. They have set aside former child daycare centers this season in order to accommodate this incredible new salvation offer. Unlike commercial turkey farms, we guarantee that our farms are 100% safe from turkey-buggering Native American Injuns and their wobbly-chinned offspring that can be identified by the feathers they wear as part of their Injun DNA. Each of our salvation offer turkeys has its genitals carefully removed and mailed to a synagogue or mosque of your choosing. This is done for your convenience and to avoid any unnatural temptations you might have left over from your former life before you met Jesus. This year, we invite you to use other turkey parts to make your delicious gravy! The turkeys are also quick frozen and specially packaged so they will arrive in your new Christian home only partially thawed. Since God has thawed your frozen heart, we celebrate this spiritual event with you by providing a gift that profoundly symbolizes your transformation into a reverent, genital-less being with a somewhat unfrozen heart. When you receive your frozen turkey, please share the significance of this special love offering as you witness to unsaved family members and friends! Please also use this opportunity to lead others to Christ by offering them some of your turkey. Be a fisher of men by dangling a drumstick on a string in front of a passed-out hobo's nose.

This Sounds Too Good to be True!

This offer has no strings attached other than the strings that hogtie the mouthwatering, steroid-engorged legs of this wonderful gift! We can't make it any easier for you to get a free turkey. Just accept Jesus into your heart and demonstrate your sincerity by sending us a financial pledge in the form of a cashier's check in the amount of $500 or more.

It is as easy as that! As soon as your check clears, we will send you a delicious genital- free almost-frozen turkey of a weight commensurate with your pledge amount. Yes! There are even more gifts on the way!
Free Pledge Offering Gift Packages
$500 8-10 Pound Frozenish Turkey
$501 - $1500 18-26 Pound Frozenish Turkey and Autographed King James 1611 Bible (Pastor's authentic signature)
$1501 - $2500 28-34 Pound Frozenish Turkey, Autographed Bible, and Traditional Baptist Holiday Canned Cranberry Sauce Recipe Book
$2501 - $6999 36-42 Pound Frozenish Turkey, Autographed Bible, Recipe Book, and 1 Can of Ocean Spray Cranberry Sauce
$7000 - $10000 58-64 Pound Frozenish Turkey, Autographed Bible, Recipe Book, Cranberry Sauce, and Box of Complimentary Plastic Forks
$10000+ 72-84 Pound Frozenish Turkey, Autographed Bible, Recipe Book, Cranberry Sauce, Box of Forks, a Free Ticket To Church, and one can of Johnson & Johnson's NEW "Off" Injun Repellant

This offer is a stand-alone opportunity and may not be used in conjunction with any other Landover Baptist Salvation Offers. This includes the Playstation 3 offer, the Free Phone Offer, and the iPod Nano offer. Extra shipping costs will apply to Turkeys weighing over 70 pounds.

Please send your cashier's check confirmation commitment of Christ to:

Landover Baptist Church
c/o Wexler Offshore Holdings
Salvation Offer #296 Holiday Turkey
777 Soulwinner's Lane
Freehold, Iowa

Jesus' Bank of Choice Shut Down, Bought Out

2009-11-06T13:25:00.001-05:00

Damn, the economy's getting to everyone these days. Even the lord and savior of a bunch of people, Jesus Christ (33), who apparently endorsed Riverview Community Bank only to see it shut down, reports Minneapolis' Citypages. Holy shit, holy bummer.
No, seriously: this guy Chuck Ripka of Otsego, Minnesota was once in the news for advocating prayer in the workplace. He wrote a book about how God told him to open his bank, and that God would "take care of the bottom line." The above picture was placed prominently in their offices. And yesterday, Ripka's bank was shut down by the Minnesota Department of Commerce regulators after screwing themselves via mass real-estate lending. It's been bought out by another bank already. This was sometime after a gas leak killed three bank workers in one of Ripka's offices a few years back. Lesson learned: if Jesus saves, he doesn't do it in Minnesota. Or he won't be doing it anymore. Meanwhile, watch Ripka in action below, and decide exactly how godless you prefer your finance professionals to be next time.

Real Americans!

2009-11-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

McCain's "Real Americans" Ad - watch more funny videos

How True!

2009-11-02T06:52:00.000-05:00

Why bother trying to compete?

2009-11-02T06:50:00.000-05:00

Moving Day

2009-11-02T06:49:00.000-05:00

Boulder's Naked Halloween Streak May Be Coming to an End

2009-10-31T10:40:00.000-04:00

Runners Are Out of Their Gourds, Wearing Just a Pumpkin; Police Chief Calls It a Crime

BOULDER, Colo. -- This city has always taken pride in its liberal-to-the-point-of-loony reputation. But this Halloween, one of its wackiest traditions is under siege: the Naked Pumpkin Run.

A pumpkin runner

The event is exactly what its name implies. Scores of men and women pour into downtown streets for a late-night jog, wearing not a stitch between the jack-o'-lanterns on their heads and the sneakers on their feet.
For nearly a decade, naked pumpkin runners did their thing unmolested, stampeding through the frigid dark past crowds of admirers who hooted, hollered and tossed candy. But last year the run attracted more than 150 participants, and Police Chief Mark Beckner fears things are getting out of hand. "It's a free-for-all," he says.
So he intends to stop it.
He will station more than 40 officers on the traditional four-block route tonight, with two SWAT teams patrolling nearby. All have orders to arrest gourd-topped streakers as sex offenders.
Runners and their fans are outraged. This is not the free-spirited Boulder they know and love. "It kind of reminds me of what's happening in Tehran," says Andy Schmidt, a lawyer. "They're pre-emptively outlawing a gathering."
The American Civil Liberties Union has fired off a letter accusing the police of violating citizens' constitutional rights to express whatever it is they're expressing when they slip hollowed-out pumpkins over their heads and race buck naked down the Pearl Street pedestrian mall.

View Full Image

Sammy Dallal/The Daily Camera

Participants carved pumpkins in preparation for the 2007 Naked Pumpkin Run.

The annual rite "seems somewhat quixotic," concedes Judd Golden, chairman of the ACLU's Boulder County chapter, "but our Bill of Rights does not judge the content of free expression."
At a recent forum for city council candidates, all 10 participants said they disapproved of the threatened crackdown.
Even Mayor Matt Appelbaum, who supports the police, admits to a tinge of worry that arresting Halloween streakers will tarnish Boulder's reputation as, well, Boulder.
"I'm a little old for it, but it could be pretty cool to be running around with a pumpkin on your head and not much else," says the 57-year-old mayor.
As for the runners themselves, they're stressing. Do they hand the cops a victory by staying home? Fashion a zucchini codpiece to stay legal? Let it all hang out?
Oleg Abramov, a 31-year-old planetary scientist, says it's an excruciating choice. He loves the run; he calls it a "liberating and somewhat surreal community arts project." But being labeled a sex offender could ruin his career.
He won't divulge his plans for tonight, except to say that if he does run, he plans to "have a lawyer standing by."

View Full Image

Joshua Lawton/The Daily Camera

From left, Andrea DuBay, Liz Kassab and Teresa Ayandele posed for a photo with a participant in the 2008 run at the corner of Pearl and Ninth streets in downtown Boulder.

Last year, in a first tentative move against the pumpkin runners, police ticketed a dozen participants, including Mr. Abramov. The Pumpkin 12, as they became known, all had the charges against them dropped or reduced to disorderly conduct in exchange for a few hours' community service.
This year, police plan to make a stronger statement. They are on edge not just about the pumpkin run but also about an outdoor costume party that could draw thousands of rowdy revelers to the pedestrian mall. So this time, officers won't mess around with handing out tickets; they expect to make arrests.
"We're a police department," Chief Beckner says. "We enforce the law."
Whether the law applies to naked pumpkin runners is a matter of some dispute.
It's not illegal to be naked in downtown Boulder. In fact, the city has had a long, proud history of nudity.
Hundreds of University of Colorado students dashed across campus in the buff in 1974, in a vain attempt to set a Guinness World Record.
More recently, Boulder has played host to an annual Naked Bike Ride to protest dependence on fossil fuels. And the Boulder Daily Camera, the local newspaper, serves up a steady stream of stories about clothes-free joggers and nudist gardeners.
Casting about for a law to apply, since nudity per se is not illegal, police hit upon the state's indecent exposure statute, which makes it a Class 1 misdemeanor for anyone to knowingly expose his or her genitals in circumstances "likely to cause affront or alarm."

View Full Image

Sammy Dallal/The Daily Camera

Jack-o-lantern heads obscured the identities of these two participants in the 2007 run.

Given that the Naked Pumpkin Run starts at 11 p.m., long after young trick-or-treaters have retired, and given that the route is packed with fans who come out specifically to see the event, runners argue that it's absurd to think their prank is causing either affront or alarm.
Even if the run does catch a few people by surprise, "the joy it brings overall far outweighs the one or two people who could be offended," says Callie Webster, who is 22 and a veteran pumpkinhead.
Police acknowledge they have not been flooded with pumpkin-run-related complaints, but say that's beside the point. A throng of naked people with jack-o-lanterns on their heads is, by definition, an alarming sight, Chief Beckner says. Therefore, it's illegal.
Those convicted of indecent exposure rarely get jail time, but they must register as sex offenders, just as rapists do. Which seems a bit excessive to Boulder County District Attorney Stan Garnett.
"A lot of times," he says with a sigh, "these people are just being idiots."
Still, Mr. Garnett says he will back up the police, adding, "We will take the cases they give us."
The looming threat has scrambled planning for the pumpkin run, which is loosely organized even in the best of years. (This being Boulder, the only hard-and-fast rule is that participants must put their pumpkins into a compost heap after the run.)

View Full Image

Joshua Lawton/The Daily Camera

An unidentified man ran along Boulder's Pearl Street at the start of the 2008 run.

Roane Buja, a 22-year-old senior at the University of Colorado, says she is debating running while partially covered up -- but fears that would kill the sense of exhilaration she felt last year from no-holds-barred exhibitionism.
"It was very playful," she says, adding with a hint of indignation, "There was no aspect of sexual debauchery."
But Ms. Buja knows a jury might not see it her way, and she can't risk a conviction as a sex offender. "I'm going into education," she says, "and I don't know that's necessarily the best thing to have on my record."
With so many runners spooked, some organizers are quietly planning to outflank the police by taking their pumpkins elsewhere. Come nightfall, they intend to doff their clothes and don their gourds in a nearby, unnamed but presumably less prudish city. A restaurant called Hapa Sushi offers an alternative for those who remain loyal to Boulder: It's handing out free orange undies, including barely-there thongs, imprinted with the slogan "Run Responsibly."
The Naked Pumpkin Run is not for everyone. It's hot and smelly and goopy inside the jack-o'-lanterns. Even hollowed out, the pumpkins can weigh 25 to 30 pounds, so they are heavy and tough to balance; veteran runners learn to carve big ears that can double as handles.
And it's usually quite chilly in Colorado on Halloween, so running around naked takes a good deal of fortitude. The Saturday forecast is for a low of 35 degrees, with two feet of snow on the ground. Still, those who have tried it say it's addictive. "It's wild. It's crazy," said one organizer, who hopes to evade police scrutiny by giving only his nom de gourd, Captain Cold. "And it gives you bragging rights for the entire year."

Spooky Holy Ghost is Scaring the Devil Out of Children this Halloween!

2009-10-31T07:13:00.000-04:00

Godly Costume Recommendation

Freehold, Iowa - When little Nathan De'Angelo puts on his Halloween costume this year, it won't be used for ungodly trick or treating. It will however, be used to put the fear of the Living God into any unsaved child that might pass his way. Mrs. Larry Rice, owner of the Biblical Costume Shop next to the Firearms Gallery and Food Court in the Landover Baptist Christian Shopping Mall, says that the Holy Ghost Halloween costume is on back order. "We sold over 200 in one day," she said. "It is the most frightening costume I have ever seen, and when you add the blood, severed demon head and the giant axe, it enough to send a shiver down your spine!"
"As every True Christian knows, Halloween is a Catholic High Holy Day (called such for the use of opiates in most Catholic rituals) when priests and nuns throughout the land light candles and incense to bring the relics of their so-called saints back to life," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Once these buried bones, shrunken heads and vials of the false goddess, Mary’s breast milk are summoned to life by the hoofed master, Lucifer, they are sent out into Godly communities to try to scare Bible-believing Christians and take their wallets and purses." It is for this reason, in 1994, the Landover community passed a law banning Halloween and Mary Worshippers (Catholics). Unfortunately, after the arrest and imprisonment of over 350 so-called “trick or treaters” under the age of 10 and the shutdown of two Roman Catholic parishes, the liberal Iowa Supreme Court sided with Lucifer (as usual) and made this ungodly Catholic celebration of Satan’s birthday once again legal. But True Christians are fighting back and making Halloween a victory for the Lord Jesus.
Little Nathan De'Angelo told his teachers at Landover Christian Academy: "Me and a bunch of other kids are going to win a whole bunch of stupid people to Jesus with our Halloween costumes this year." He went on to say, "we are going to find some unsaved liberal kids with scary devil costumes and present them with the gospel. If they refuse to accept Jesus, we are going to tear off their costumes and burn them right there in the street! Oh, man! I can't wait! If we can't get their costumes, we are going to beat the devil right out of them sissies. Then we're gonna take their secular candies as a love offering for the glory of God! It's gonna be totally awesome!"
"What an exciting night this is going to be!" Pastor Deacon Fred told the congregation last Sunday. "I am behind our children 100%. The Holy Ghost is going to attack Satan on his own birthday by using our kiddies. We, as adults, should admire Godly children like Nathan who have the guts to stand up for their faith. These sweet kids are living out the words of Jesus when he said, 'I came not to bring peace, but a sword!' (Matthew 10:34). I think a fist works just as well as a sword when it comes to doing battle with real live demons! If a little six-year-old girl thinks it is cute to dress up like a witch, then she needs to find out what happens to real witches. Maybe she’ll change her little mind when she ends up in the bottom of a well or under 150 pounds of rocks. Children need to understand that when you embrace Satan, you are invoking the fury of Almighty God. And anyone who reads the Old Testament knows that God loves to kill children -- even without a reason, and Jesus has an even worse fate in store for kids who refuse to accept Him as their Savior! It is a fate far too grisly to go on about here, let's just say that Jesus is a little more diabolical than his Daddy when it comes to thinking of ways to punish folks who don't like Him. All those drowned and mutilated folks in the Old Testament times had it easy. Just understand that these crafty children who thumb their noses at God by dressing up to please Satan are playing a very dangerous game."

The Holy Ghost Halloween costume was designed by Mrs. Satin Macy. "I was visiting my son at the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota last May when the idea came to me," she said. "I designed the costume that very night, and used it on some of the demon possessed kids the next day. You should have seen the looks on their faces when the Holy Ghost came into the room with a giant axe! I said 'Boo!' and one of the little devils nearly jumped out the window," she noted. Several children soiled themselves and were subsequently deprived of food to avoid such a disgrace from reoccurring. "If the Holy Ghost Costume can scare demon-possessed kids, just think how much it will creep out young unsaved liberals, Nancy boys, Tom girls, and fancy footed, curly haired, little Jewish theater gals. We're doing the Lord's work!"

"True Christians know that the Devil's Birthday is no joke," Pastor Deacon Fred said. "We have had it with Satan! We have had it with his Obama/Biden army of demons trying to ruin the world with their liberal media! I gotta tell you folks, Halloween will never be the same! Our kids are not playing games anymore! This October 31st, Freehold Iowa better prepare to get spooked by the Holy Ghost!"

Q&A With a California Homosexual

2009-10-31T06:18:00.000-04:00

These Days, More and More People Are Looking For Work

2009-10-29T16:42:00.002-04:00

Dear Mr. Cheney:

Thank you for your recent letter inquiry about a position with the Gallup organization. As one of the nation's leading polling firms, we are always on the lookout for individuals with talent and experience, and your resume is outstanding. Moreover, you have correctly observed that the reluctance of people to take our surveys is a sizable factor in the cost of our services. However, we have concluded that classifying these people as ``enemy respondents,'' taking them into custody, and flying them to undisclosed locations for a program of enhanced interrogation is unlikely to result in meaningful savings, and as such we do not see sufficient benefit in retaining you to manage such a program at this time. Please be advised that we will keep your resume on file.

Sincerely yours,

Dear Mr. Tenet,

Just to let you know, I followed up your suggestion and contacted the commissioner's office, and Mr. Stern's assistant put me in touch with the vice president of in-game marketing. I told him about the video you made where you shout "It's a slam dunk, Mr. President!'', and your idea of showing it on the scoreboards at NBA games to rev up the crowds whenever a player dunks. Frankly, he seemed a little bit lukewarm to the idea, but he didn't entirely say no. Here's a question: Is it possible that you ever said to the president "It's Shaqtastic!"? Let me know.

Sincerely,

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld,

Please forgive me if I am stepping outside of formal channels here -- I'm sure Mr. Mehta will be replying to you directly -- but I'm just so excited that I couldn't wait to reply. I can't say exactly why he didn't think your manuscript was right for our nonfiction list, but I'm delighted that he recognized the attraction that "Knowns, Known Unknowns and Unknown Unknowns'' would have for us in the children's division. Kids absolutely adore that double-talk kind of nonsense language, and if you're willing to join me in rolling up your sleeves and cutting about 700 pages from your draft, I believe we'll have a classic that even Dr. Seuss would envy. By the way, I can't wait to introduce you to the illustrator. He's done some sketches of that scary Mr. Wolfowitz that are hilarious!

Very truly yours,

Dear Attorney General Gonzales:

It was good to meet you last week. Your idea for your online legal reference site is interesting. We had no idea that nearly twenty percent of all clients are unhappy with their representation and would hire a different attorney if they could easily find a replacement. We were also impressed by your market surveys demonstrating that no one is more closely identified in the public's mind with replacing attorneys than you. Unfortunately, with so much of our available funds invested in Karl Rove's Revisionist History Book Club venture, we cannot offer you financing at this time.

Sincerely yours,

Dear Dr. Rice,

This is to confirm that you will be teaching a course at The Learning Annex on Saturday, January 31st, to be entitled "Power Enabling: Smart Women, Costly Blunders.'' The cost of the session will be $49.95, and you will provide a free workbook.

Good luck.

Dear Mr. President:

Mr. Bruckheimer is in receipt of your proposal, but because he is stuck in casting his new series C.S.I. Wasilla', he asked me to respond. He wanted me to tell you that he likes the idea of a game show, that he likes the idea of calling it The Decider, and that he likes the format where contestants present you their problems, and you in turn give them answers that will leave them more prosperous, more highly respected, and better able to face the future. His only question is: do you have any experience?

Sincerely yours,

Headgear for Sourpusses

2009-10-29T10:38:00.000-04:00

happiness hat from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

Painfully Honest Mobile Home Salesman

2009-10-29T10:30:00.002-04:00

Trick or Treat! (Trick)

2009-10-29T10:17:00.000-04:00

Why It's Important To Read Directions

2009-10-28T16:56:00.000-04:00

A Rumsfeld-era reminder about what causes Terrorism

2009-10-26T12:35:00.000-04:00

We can't combat Terrorism by sending our military into Muslim countries. Doing that only exacerbates the problem.

Glenn Greenwald

Oct. 20, 2009 |

(updated below - Update II - Update III)

The debate over Afghanistan -- or, more accurately, the multi-pronged effort to pressure Obama into escalating -- is looking increasingly familiar, i.e., like the "debate" over Iraq. The New York Times is publishing articles filled with quotes from anonymous war advocates. Permanent war-justifier Michael O'Hanlon is regularly featured in "news accounts" as he all but blames Obama for increasing combat deaths due to his failure to escalate the moment the military demanded it. The New Republic is churning out pro-war screeds. Every option is on the proverbial table except one: not fighting the war. And there's a widening gap between (a) public opinion (which sees Afghanistan as "turning into another Vietnam" and which opposes more troops, with 49% favoring a full or partial withdrawal) and (b) the virtual unanimity of establishment punditry which, as always, is cheerleading for the war. The only difference is that, with a Democratic President, there seems to be more Democratic and progressive support for this war (though there was, of course, plenty of that for Iraq, too).

The primary rationale for remaining -- and escalating -- in Afghanistan is the same all-purpose justification offered for virtually everything the U.S. has done since 2001: Terrorism. Apparently, the way to solve the Terrorist threat is by sending 60,000 more American troops into a Muslim country and committing to at least five more years of war there. That, so the pro-escalation reasoning goes, will make us safer.

In 2004, Donald Rumsfeld directed the Defense Science Board Task Force to review the impact which the administration's policies -- specifically the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan -- were having on Terrorism and Islamic radicalism. They issued a report in September, 2004 (.pdf) and it vigorously condemned the Bush/Cheney approach as entirely counter-productive,i.e., as worsening the Terrorist threat those policies purportedly sought to reduce. It's well worth reviewing their analysis, as it has as much resonance now as it did then (h/t sysprog).

The Task Force began by noting what are the "underlying sources of threats to America's national security": namely, the "negative attitudes" towards the U.S. in the Muslim world and "the conditions that create them" (click images to enlarge):

And what most exacerbates anti-American sentiment, and therefore the threat of Terrorism? "American direct intervention in the Muslim world" -- through our "one sided support in favor of Israel"; support for Islamic tyrannies in places like Egypt and Saudi Arabia; and, most of all, "the American occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan":

Let's just repeat that: "Muslims do not 'hate our freedom,' but rather, they hate our policies." And nothing fuels -- meaning: helps -- the Islamic radicals' case against the U.S. more than ongoing American occupation of Muslim countries:

For that reason, "a year and a half after going to war in Iraq, Arab/Muslim anger [had] intensified" and the war had thus "weakened support for the war on terrorism and undermined U.S. credibility worldwide" (see. 14-15). Similarly, as of six months into his presidency, Obama had vastly improved perceptions of the U.S. among Western Europeans but -- asDer Spiegel put it -- he "has actually made little progress in the regions where the US faces its biggest foreign policy problems," particularly the Muslim world (other than Indonesia, where Obama spent part of his childhood, and Egypt, where Obama spoke).

We can't combat Terrorism by sending our military into Muslim countries. Doing that only exacerbates the problem, since it inevitably intensifies the anti-American sentiment that enables and fuels the terrorist threat in the first place. All of that is so basic. It's been empirically proven over and over during the last decade. It's not Noam Chomsky or Al Jazeera pointing out these basic truths, but instead, a 2004 Task Force handpicked by Donald Rumsfeld's Pentagon to review and assess the Bush administration's anti-terrorism efforts, principally the wars they were waging in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Undoubtedly, there is some small faction of "Islamic radicals" principally motivated by religious fervor which will likely hate the West regardless of what it does, but -- as the 2004 Pentagon-commissioned Report found -- their most potent weapons are American policies that inflame anti-American hatred in the Muslim world, beginning with ongoing wars waged by the U.S. military in Muslim countries. That's so self-evident it shouldn't require a report to document it, but since it seems to, here's a very credible report that does exactly that.

UPDATE: The latest rationale of the pro-war liberal think tanks -- as epitomized by Peter Bergen's New Republic piece yesterday -- is that Al Qaeda and Taliban are inseparable and therefore "we cannot defeat Al Qaeda without securing Afghanistan." Steve Hynd has an interview with Afghan-based journalist Anand Gopal, who debunks that claim in several ways, as does Leah Farrall at the All Things Counterterroism blog. Even if Bergen's claim were true, as Matt Yglesias points out, it merely "beg[s] the question -- [Bergen] says we’re fighting the Taliban because the Taliban is working so closely with al-Qaeda, but arguably the Taliban is working closely with al-Qaeda largely because we’re fighting them."

If -- as the conventional wisdom has it (correctly) -- Osama bin Laden was eager for us to invade Iraq and get caught up in an endless occupation there, wouldn't Al Qaeda and other Islamic radicals benefit for the same reasons from our doing the same thing in Afghanistan?

UPDATE II: There's also this:

The U.S. is an empire in decline, according to Niall Ferguson, Harvard professor and author of The Ascent of Money.
"People have predicted the end of America in the past and been wrong," Ferguson concedes. "But let's face it: If you're trying to borrow $9 trillion to save your financial system...and already half your public debt held by foreigners, it's not really the conduct of rising empires, is it?"

Given its massive deficits and overseas military adventures, America today is similar to the Spanish Empire in the 17th century and Britain's in the 20th, he says. "Excessive debt is usually a predictor of subsequent trouble."

There's substantial dispute over Ferguson's general economic analysis but does anyone really dispute this? From today's New York Times article on Robert Gates' trip to Japan:

Japan’s future contributions to the Afghanistan mission were to be on the agenda, but Mr. Gates said he would be making no specific request for either money or troops. Since the invasion of Afghanistan following the terrorist attacks in the United States of Sept. 11, 2001, Japan has pledged $2 billion for civilian reconstruction and security training, one of the largest contributors. About $1.8 billion has been distributed.
By comparison, however, the United States has budgeted $68 billion for its military and civilian effort in Afghanistan in the current fiscal year.

That number would obviously be much higher if we escalate. One would think this factor would play a larger role in discussing whether we want to occupy and wage war in various countries for the next decade or so, but it seems that we believe if we just blissfully ignore that, it will cease to exist. Nero fiddles along.

UPDATE III: Just as was true for the first two installments of David Rohde's account of being held hostage by the Taliban for seven months (which I wrote about here and here), his third installment, now available, bolsters all of these conclusions:

Some nights, commanders and their fighters visited the houses where we were being held. Conversations were dominated by their unwavering belief that the United States was waging a war against Islam.
It was a universe filled with contradictions. My captors assailed the West for killing civilians, but they celebrated suicide attacks orchestrated by the Taliban that killed scores of Muslim bystanders. They bitterly denounced missionaries, but they pressed me to convert to their faith. They complained about innocent Muslims being imprisoned by the United States, even as they continued to hold us captive. . . .
One morning, [Aby Tayyeb, chief of the captors] wept at news that a NATO airstrike had killed women and children in southern Afghanistan. A guard explained to me that Abu Tayyeb reviled the United States because of the civilian deaths. . . .
My captors saw me — and seemingly all Westerners — as morally corrupt and fixated on pursuing the pleasures of this world. Americans invaded Afghanistan to enrich themselves, they argued, not to help Afghans.

As is to be expected, Rohde's account contains widely divergent depictions of his captors -- some are violence-obsessed religious fanatics while others "showed glimpses of humanity" to him. As is clear by now, the Tablian are not monolithic. But in all of Rohde's accounts, there is one common strand: fury towards the U.S. for invading and occupying their country, killing civilians, imprisoning people with no charges, and generally attempting to control the Muslim world. There's simply no way to continue doing that while decreasing the threat of Terrorism. The only thing that can result is the opposite.

-- Glenn Greenwald

Chamber Of Commerce Strong-Arms Service Provider Into Shutting Down Spoof Site

2009-10-24T07:30:00.000-04:00

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce demanded that the company providing Internet service for the Yes Men shut down their site on Tuesday, claiming the spoof troupe's fake version of the Chamber's siteconstituted copyright infringement.

"The Website infringes the Chamber of Commerce's copyrights by directly copying the images, logos, design, and layout of the Chamber of Commerce's copyright-protected official website," said the letter from the Chamber's lawyers, who threaten "legal liability" for the service provider, Hurricane Electric.

The mockup of the Chamber's site was part of the Yes Men's epic hoax, which included a phony press conference at the National Press Club, where a fraudulent Chamber spokesman announced that the superlative lobbying organization had reversed its controversial stance on climate change.

Hurricane Electric obeyed the Chamber's letter and shut down the spoof site. But in the process, they shut down hundreds of other sites maintained by May First / People Link, the Yes Men's direct provider (Hurricane Electric is its "upstream" provider).

"I wasn't able to only shut down that one website," said Benny Ng, director of infrastructure for Hurricane Electric in an interview with the Huffington Post. "The only way I could do it was by taking down their entire connection which I don't want to do but in order for me to comply with the [Chamber's letter] that was my only option."

Ng said the sites were down for an hour or so. He said he reconnected them after May First agreed to take the site off Hurricane's network.

"We were very unhappy with Hurricane Electric's response," May First's Alfredo Lopez told the Huffington Post. May First immediately "mirrored" the Yes Men spoof page -- he stressed that it's going to stay on the web. As for Hurricane, "They did that because they don't want to spend the time or the money on a lawyer."

The Chamber of Commerce, added Lopez, is "disgusting."

In a statement, the business federation defended its effort to knock down the site:

"Consistent with our legal right to protect our intellectual property, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce requested that the Hurricane Electric, an upstream provider, take down a fake site that appeared to be, but was not, from the Chamber. The Chamber never requested removal of the web site theyesmen.org or theyesmenfixtheworld.com or any sites other than chamber-of-commerce.us. Hurricane Electric told us that it could not respond because it was an upstream provider. We took no other action with Hurricane."

Andy Bichlbaum of The Yes Men had strong words for the Chamber.

"This is a blow against free speech, and it demonstrates in gory detail the full hypocrisy of the Chamber," he said in a statement. "The only freedom they care about is the economic freedom of large corporations to operate free of the hassles of science, reality, and democracy."

Copyright law allows for "fair use" of copyrighted material "for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching (including multiple copies for classroom use), scholarship, or research."

"This seems to be a pretty clear fair use case," said Matt Zimmerman, a senior staff attorney with the Electronic Frontiers Foundation, which is representing the Yes Men. He called the Chamber's letter a "nastygram" commonly used to scare people into removing stuff from the web. "People will frequently use this provision [of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act] when they don't really have a basis for doing so."

Zimmerman sent a letter to the Chamber's lawyers demanding they withdraw their takedown notice. The letter also pointed the lawyers to the "Free Speech" page on the Chamber's site.

Check out this link to see a video of the Yes Men's famous Chamber of Commerce press conference. --Delta

Unemployed Family Man Joins the Army to Cover His Wife's Ovarian Cancer

2009-10-22T06:37:00.000-04:00

I get tired of asking this question, but I'll ask it anyway: Should this happen in America? Should you have to tear yourself away from your family when they need you most - just to get necessary health care?
When so many other countries manage to take care of their citizens, why can't we?

56 days . . . 55 days . . . 54 days . . .
Chelsea Caudle began signing her text messages this summer with a countdown. At 14 years old, she knew no better way to express what was coming. Day Zero was to be Oct. 7, the day Dad left for Army basic training in Fort Jackson, S.C. He was moving 950 miles from their home in Watertown, 950 miles from Mom.
He was leaving, even though Mom was sick with ovarian cancer. Even though he had been at her side through two long, miserable rounds of chemotherapy. Even though she now faced the likelihood of a third.
In fact, Dad was leaving because Mom was sick.
In March, he was laid off from his job as a raw materials coordinator for a plastics company called PolyOne, where he'd worked for 20 years. His severance package had provided several months' salary, but by August the paychecks were winding down. Soon the cost of his family health coverage was going to triple, then a few months after that, nearly triple again. They needed coverage so Mom could fight her cancer.
Dad's solution: a four-year hitch in the Army.
So Chelsea counted down the days to his departure. When the countdown reached 49, the text message signature began to annoy and depress her, so she stopped. High school was beginning, her freshman year.
In the first week of class, one of the teachers asked: What do your parents do?
The question jolted Chelsea back to the shifting ground of her family. Mom was working part time at a Culver's restaurant, preparing for more chemo, worrying about how to pay the bills. In less than six weeks, Dad would enter the Army and her care would be covered.
The tradeoff was that he would be far away when Mom needed him home, when Chelsea needed him, too. He would miss all of her high school years. The band performances. Prom.
Chelsea thought of all his absence would mean.
When she sent her next text message, she resumed the countdown.
36 days.
***
Mom and Dad are Michelle and Bill Caudle, high school sweethearts now 40 and 39, respectively. They have three children: Chelsea, the youngest; Alysha, a 21-year-old working at a nearby Holiday Inn; and Little Bill, an 18-year-old ex-high school wrestler.
The Caudles are not fond of politics. Michelle and Bill have paid little attention to the shouting this summer over health care reform. They have not gone to any of the town hall meetings. They are well aware that politicians and interest groups would like to trumpet their story or dismiss it to score points in the debate - and they would just as soon avoid all of that.
"We're not activists," Michelle said.
But this year the national story of lost jobs became their story. And the saga of families losing health insurance was about to become theirs, too.
Except that Bill wouldn't let it.
True, he had been interested in the Army for years. And he could always request an emergency leave to come home if Michelle's condition grew dire (Army regulations allow this if a family member's death is imminent).
But for weeks before enlisting, Bill had sought other options. He revised his résumé. He answered "help wanted" ads, then watched the companies cut workers instead of hiring them. He interviewed for one job that would have paid $13 an hour - less than half of what he was making at PolyOne. He didn't get the job.
Finally, on May 13, his 39th birthday, he signed the Army papers.
He remembers thinking: What did I do?
Chelsea learned about her dad's decision when Michelle picked her up from school. It had been a bad day already: a problem with one of her teachers, then she had to do the mile run.

"I have something to tell you," her mom said after Chelsea slid into her seat. "Your dad enlisted in the Army. There's more: He'll be gone for four years."
Chelsea started to cry.

Enjoy!

2009-10-21T19:59:00.002-04:00

Nation's Morons March On Washington State

2009-10-21T18:03:00.001-04:00

A pack of certified imbeciles makes its feelings known three time zones from the nation's capital.

OLYMPIA, WA—With random cries of "Enough is enough," "Do something now," and "Huh?" thousands of the nation's biggest morons descended on Washington State this week, some 3,000 miles from their intended destination of the nation's capital.

The march, which had no discernable goal or message, and no official organizers, began at approximately 8:45 a.m. in front of what the morons called the National Mall, but was actually the courtyard outside the Olympia Public Library.

"More government accountability, and transparency, and accountability!" shouted grade-A moron Tammy Caldwell, 37, addressing no one in particular. "On behalf of me, and all the [morons] who came here today, listen up, greedy Washington fat cats: We're not going anywhere until each and every one of our voices is heard."

ENLARGE IMAGE

The morons demand a drawdown of troops in Iraq in front of what they believe to be a monument to fallen soldiers.

"To the Lincoln Memorial!" added Caldwell, pointing to a nearby monument dedicated to the memory of Washington State governor John Rankin Rogers.

Following a stop at what the morons believed to be Arlington National Cemetery, protestors reportedly marched east on State Avenue, south along Plum Street, paused bewilderedly when they failed to see the Reflecting Pool at the intersection of Union and Plum, and then found their way back to State to begin their march over again.

While authorities maintained that the gathering was largely peaceful and most of the fires were set purely by accident, demonstrators appeared visibly angry about a range of topics, including war, peace, food, music, money, baseball, cars, the people following them around as if this were some kind of rally, siblings, animals, plants, colors, and movies.

"Come on out of that precious little palace of yours, Mr. President. We're right here waiting," Pennsylvania resident Kip Callahan yelled toward the marble-columned State Insurance Building. "I didn't come all this way to be ignored. I got kids!"

"No Social Security for Medicare!" Michigan idiot Kevin Liston added. "Not in my backyard!"

Throughout the day, the number of protesters grew to include not just morons, but more than 6,000 nimrods, 3,500 dunderheads, and approximately 12,000 of the biggest fucking dipshits known to man.

In all, 75,000 of the simpletons turned out, though dozens were killed after walking out into traffic, and hundreds more were lost after wandering into nearby Trillium Park.

"I'm against things," longtime North Carolina resident Pam Beucher said. "I'm for things."

"America!" she added.

"I didn't know Washington, D.C. had Seattle in it," said Connecticut resident Kyle Hinton, an idiot. "Anyway, stop the war! No more hate! Swine flu! Iran! Pharmaceutical companies! Illegal immigrants! Never again!"

At press time the morons had been walking for 10 minutes into a concrete wall in Kennewick, WA, where they eventually stopped to pay their respects to those who lost their lives during the Vietnam War.

"This is—," NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams said Wednesday while broadcasting video footage of protesters shouting "four more years" at the base of Mount Rainier. "Actually, I don't know what this is."

Clearly moved by the marchers' plight, both houses of the United States Congress announced Wednesday they had begun work on a $3 trillion piece of legislation that would completely overhaul the nation's education system.

Priest Shortage Forces Vatican To Hire Temps To Deliver Sacred Rites

2009-10-21T17:52:00.004-04:00

MILWAUKEE—In an emergency effort to boost the dwindling number of Roman Catholic priests in the United States, the Vatican contracted with a nationwide staffing firm last week to hire thousands of temporary employees to provide liturgical services and administer holy sacraments in its American churches.

ENLARGE IMAGE

Following a background check, all newly ordained temps must take a vow of punctuality.

"The reduced number of active diocesan clergy has forced us to take unprecedented measures to stop parishes from closing," Pope Benedict XVI explained in a decree issued Saturday by the Vatican. "That is why, for the first time in two millennia, we're allowing pretty much anyone who is willing to show up at 9 a.m. and work for slightly more than minimum wage to act as a Vessel of Christ."

According to a statement issued by Manpower Inc., most of the part-time priest applicants are 18- to 26-year-old males with no previous clerical experience. After watching a 35-minute video on the Rite of Ordination and receiving Holy Orders during a brief phone conference, new hires are issued two sets of ecclesiastical vestments and assigned to fill a pastoral vacancy.

Randy Nelson, a recently hired temp priest at St. Joseph's Cathedral in Miami, said he was initially nervous about celebrating mass in front of a large congregation, but soon got the hang of it.

"I was a little intimidated on my first day because I had no idea what I was supposed to do during communion," said Nelson, referring to the transubstantiation of the Holy Eucharist, a miracle he is expected to perform at each mass in order to transform earthly bread and wine into the Most Precious Body and Blood of Christ. "But basically I just have to pour some watered-down cabernet into the gold cup, wave my arms around, say some stuff about God, and give each person in line one of those wafer things."

"It's really not all that different from a fast food gig," Nelson added. "Except maybe the uniforms here are a bit more humiliating."

Many temp priests told reporters they were only planning to work for the Church until they could land a more serious job, and that having the name of an archdiocese on their resumé was probably better than nothing.added. "Except maybe the uniforms here are a bit more humiliating."

"This is okay for now. They need somebody to do their grunt work and I need the money," said recent college graduate Justin Willingham, explaining that the vow of celibacy is "kind of a drag" but that he rarely has sex between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. anyway. "Plus, I make a ton in tips. The people here are super generous."

According to parishioners at the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Fayetteville, AR, their recently acquired temp is unfamiliar with many of his priestly duties and frequently takes the Lord's name in vain when he loses his place during Gospel readings.

"These things never happened when Father Tom [Whelan] was here," said Gloria Huston, 67. "In the 45 years that I've been a member of this parish I never once saw a priest sitting on the altar eating McDonald's."

Ben Rosenthal, 23, who is a newcomer to Catholicism, said the most interesting part of his job is administering the Sacrament of Penance, because while sitting in the confessional he hears "all kinds of shit you wouldn't believe."

"My friends were totally cracking up when I told them how Doug Merchant confessed to having impure thoughts about his next-door neighbor's daughter and was almost caught masturbating in the bushes outside her window," Rosenthal said. "I feel like I should probably call the cops on some of these people, but during orientation they told us we would get fired if we broke the Seal of Confession. So I just make them say a lot of Hail Marys."

While a majority of temps said they were happy just to have a job, some, like Greg Purcell, believe the priesthood is simply too demanding.

"There's no fucking way I'm working Sundays," Purcell said. "Not for what they pay."

Despite receiving numerous applications from qualified women with extensive knowledge of Church doctrine and advanced degrees in theology, the Vatican continues to oppose female ordination.

Get Your Carbon Offset Points Now!

2009-10-19T13:10:00.000-04:00

Was "Ardi" a Liberal?

2009-10-19T06:35:00.001-04:00

Frans de Waal

Neocons favor the chimpanzee -- macho and violent -- as model of our ape ancestor. But "Ardi" seems to have had more in common with the hippie-like bonobo.

The most outrageous claim regarding "Ardi" (the recently discovered 4.4 million year old fossil of a human ancestor) came from a press release by Kent State University with the headline: "Man Did Not Evolve From Apes."

You can imagine how creationists and intelligent-designers jumped on this statement as a gift from God, and how some media outlets got confused, saying that this must mean that apes descend from us. But the claim was quickly retracted. What the scientists meant is that we do not descend from any extant apes. Like us, apes have changed considerably since we parted our evolutionary ways.

Our ancestor surely was an ape, but what this creature looked like is anybody's guess. And here it gets political!

In the 1970s, humans were known as born "killer apes" with an insatiable lust to eliminate their own kind. At about the same time, chimpanzees were found to brutally kill their neighbors and to commit infanticide. The chimpanzee was quickly adopted as our ancestral type, meaning that violence is in our DNA, that humanity will wage war in perpetuity, and that competition and power struggles are our way of life. Anyone who thought differently was considered a romantic dreamer.

Revelations about the bonobo's way of life arrived more than a decade later and threatened this picture. With their "gay" relations, female supremacy, and "make love -- not war" pacifism, bonobos became the idols of the left. They were almost too "politically correct" to be true.

Unfortunately, this primate was barely taken seriously by science despite the fact that it is genetically exactly as close to us as the chimpanzee. The more science learned about bonobos, the more they became a thorn in the side of Hobbesians as well as homophobes. Attempts were made to sideline them by declaring bonobos an offshoot on the evolutionary tree. They were obviously a delightful species, it was said, but we were welcome to ignore them. When it came to human evolution, they were irrelevant.

To show how political this debate has become, consider a 2007 essay in The New Yorker that tried to reduce the bonobo's sexiness while enhancing its aggressiveness by cherry-picking the evidence. This botched piece of journalism was gleefully picked up by neocons (not usually interested in evolution), such as Dinesh D'Souza, who accused liberals of having fashioned the bonobo into their mascot. They urged them to stick with the donkey.

Let me be as explicit as I can be: there exists not a single report anywhere in the literature with a confirmed case of one bonobo killing another, neither in captivity nor in the wild. We have lots of such reports for the chimpanzee, and I myself have witnessed a brutal assault and castration by males against a rival, not unlike the gruesome attacks in recent years by chimps on people. Chimpanzees can be vicious. Obviously, bonobos are not free of aggression, but Japanese primatologist Takeshi Furuichi -- the only scientist to have extensively studied both chimpanzees and bonobos in the jungle -- said it best:

"With bonobos everything is peaceful. When I see bonobos they seem to be enjoying their lives."

So, what does this have to do with Ardi?

Ardi has changed our perspective on the last common ancestor because of her smaller, blunter canine teeth. Canine teeth are very well developed in chimpanzees, who have long, sharp "fangs" that the males use to rip open rivals. Ardi, it is said, must have been more peaceful, perhaps because her species had found a way to reduce male-to-male conflict.

Whereas the chief anthropologist on the Ardi team goes by the bonobo-like name of Owen Lovejoy, he focuses all of this attention on the chimpanzee, as is tradition in his field. Since chimps are violent and Ardi probably wasn't, he argues that we have a totally unique creature on our hands. His pet theory is that this must mean that Ardi and her contemporaries were monogamous, but unless the diggers come up with a male and female fossil holding hands and having wedding rings, the idea that these ancestors avoided conflict through pair-bonding remains pure speculation. There is no evidence for it, and the only pair-bonded primate we have in our direct lineage (the gibbon) has in fact huge canine teeth.

Bonobos stand and walk upright quite easily, here an adult female (left) and an adolescent male. Photo by the author.

It is high time for a new look at the bonobo. This species has relatively small canines, is remarkably peaceful, and highly promiscuous. When bonobos stand upright, they look eerily human-like because their legs are longer than those of any other ape and they seem to more fully stretch their backs. Harold Coolidge, the anatomist who first described this species, in 1933, noted that the bonobo "may approach more closely to the common ancestor" than any living ape.

What if we descend not from a blustering chimp-like ancestor but from a gentle, empathic bonobo-like ape? Or what if we share characteristics with both of these close relatives instead of just the one favored by our personal political ideology? Ardi is telling us something, and there may be little agreement about what she is saying, but I hear a refreshing halt to the drums of war that have accompanied all previous theories.

Sarah Palin Bears It All

2009-10-17T06:29:00.000-04:00

A Review of Going Rogue

By CHARLES R. LARSON

The most amazing aspect of Sarah Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue: An American Life, is that in just a few short months, Governor Palin has mastered the art of standard English. Flawless, lucid, flowing language pours from each page in the Governor’s stunning rags-to-riches account of her remarkable life. As a prose stylist, clearly she has few peers. William Safire immediately comes to mind but also Carlyle and Addison and Steele. More startling—and even her detractors will agree with this—is the speed with which Governor Palin wrote her autobiography, which can only be the product of the well-organized mind of a genuinely talented writer. The book has appeared months before its original planned date, all because of the Governor’s remarkable gifts of self-reflection.
And what a story she presents, original in every way: born in Idaho, raised in the outbacks of Alaska (where her family had moved) in one of America’s wildest environments, a supportive family as a child and—after her marriage to Todd—even more encouragement from her husband and children. But to skip back a distance before her marriage, it is worth noting the most formative years of her life: the time she was a university student. Much has been speculated about Governor Palin’s undergraduate education extending, as it did, over four different schools. Fortunately, those speculations will now end, since Palin details her university experience and corrects the record.
The movement from one school to the next (Hawaii Pacific University, where incidentally she was a student with Barack Obama; North Idaho College; Matanuska-Susitna College; and the University of Idaho), was all a planned peregrination. “At each university, I sought out the finest minds, the most demanding professors in order to probe their intellects for decoding the major philosophical questions that mankind has been concerned with since time immemorial.” Once she had taken courses from the most distinguished professors at an institution, then she moved on to another university where the process would begin all over again. “All American students,” she concludes, “would be better educated if they followed a similar plan. Always tap the greatest intellects no matter where you find yourself.”
Of Alaska, Governor Palin is nothing if not rapturous, ethereal, even spiritual. Clearly there is something about the state that is embedded deeply within her soul. The open spaces are perfect for self-reflection and contemplation. Her account of one early experience as a child—when she thought she was lost in the woods and would never find her way home—was comparable, she argues, to the Vision Quest for many Native Americans. She exudes excitement, especially, about hunting, which she sees, after all, as nothing more than providing for one’s family. “How can one not be thrilled by scoping with one’s rifle bear, caribou, crocodiles?” she asks. “God gave us these creatures so we could feed our families,” she remarks, and although she admits that contemporary attitudes toward hunting have changed, in Alaska guns are still a necessity for self-preservation. (The time she was lost in the woods as a child, her greatest fear was that she would encounter a grizzly bear.)
Governor Palin is fully cognizant of Americans’ desire that she be the next President of the United States. Her frontal approach to the question that all of us have asked ourselves is refreshingly honest. She admits that Going Rogue: An American Life will serve as her official campaign biography and that she wrote it at this juncture in her life so that once she receives the nomination of her party, “Someone else won’t have to write a quickie job.” In her directness, Governor Palin writes that her decision not to serve her full term as the governor of Alaska was prompted by her realization that she had already accomplished all that was needed for the state. There was nothing left for her to do.
More startlingly, she states that if elected President of the United States, she will probably not serve the full eight years. “If I can do for my country as a whole what I did for Alaska in less than a full term, why would I want to stay in the position for such a lengthy time? To stay longer would be a waste of my talents. I’ll move on to something more challenging—the United Nations, for example, or even the Supreme Court—places where I have long realized I can contribute even more.”
Going Rogue is an archetypal American autobiography—deep in its reflective understanding of Governor Palin’s place in American history, profound in her vision for America’s future under her guidance. What a pleasure to read a writer who can quote Nietzsche, Foucault, Derrida, and Reinhold Niebuhr with such ease and apply their wisdom to her own life. I suspect that this book will soon be taught in American schools alongside the works of Benjamin Franklin, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Henry David Thoreau, other classic accounts of what it means to be an American.

Going Rogue: An American Life
HarperCollins, 422 pp., $28.99.

Charles R. Larson is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.
Disclaimer: The review was written before he read the book.

Atheists nightmare debunked. Ray Comfort/Kirk cameron

2009-10-16T17:38:00.002-04:00

Obama Wins Family Monopoly Game: Sparks Right Wing Outrage

2009-10-16T16:43:00.000-04:00

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced this morning that the President and his family played a game of monopoly in the White House kitchen this past Sunday, which the President won. Reaction from the right was instantaneous and vitriolic.

Bill O'Reilly decried the callousness with which the President of the United States would treat the real estate crisis as "just some game" when so many Americans are losing their homes to foreclosure, showing how out-of-touch he is with the concerns of regular folks, and once again showing his imperiousness as he "fiddles while Rome burns."

Similarly outraged, Glenn Beck demonstrated on a blackboard how the President's buying Short Line, Pennsylvania, B & O Railroads and the Electric Company were a clear indication of his Socialist plot for a complete government takeover of industry, not to mention the obvious land-grabbing in the game itself. Beck noted that the building of houses and hotels on properties such as Park Place clearly showed the President's intention to place SRO hotels and substandard public housing in upscale neighborhoods, inevitably leading to class warfare and revolution, as outlined in Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto.

Sean Hannity questioned the President's victory in the game, itself, insinuating that perhaps it was indicative of shady financial dealings, particularly in the purchase of Illinois Avenue, which is "of course, the result one would expect when you're dealing with Chicago politics, payoffs, bribes and cronyism."

The hosts of Morning Joe pondered if the President truly understood the depth of the economic crisis facing this nation, in that he had no problem spending his time gambling in the White House while the country was facing financial ruin. And of course, there was concern over the President's winnings. The Press Secretary noted that there was no actual gambling, and the game involved play money which all went back into the box when the game was over, sparking accusations from Pat Buchanan of "redistribution of wealth" and of "killing the American entrepreneurial spirit that made this country great," along with the fact that each player collecting 200 dollars every time they went around the board amounted to little more than a "welfare program that we can ill afford when the government is up to its neck in a deficit that will cripple the economy for generations to come."

Rush Limbaugh's fury was so uncontrollable that, unable to speak, he simply turned red with rage, inflated to twice his size, blew out the veins in his head, exploded, and crapped out Lou Dobbs, who proceeded to rant about the dangers of illegal aliens getting out of jail free and draining the Community Chest.

Laptop for every pupil in Uruguay

2009-10-16T09:16:00.000-04:00

By Verónica Psetizki
Montevideo, Uruguay

Uruguay has become the first country to provide a laptop for every child attending state primary school.
President Tabaré Vázquez presented the final XO model laptops to pupils at a school in Montevideo on 13 October.
Over the last two years 362,000 pupils and 18,000 teachers have been involved in the scheme.
The "Plan Ceibal" (Education Connect) project has allowed many families access to the world of computers and the internet for the first time.

Uruguay is part of the One Laptop Per Child scheme, an organisation set up by internet pioneer Nicholas Negroponte. His original vision was to provide laptops at $100 (£61) but they proved more expensive.
The Uruguay programme has cost the state $260 (£159) per child, including maintenance costs, equipment repairs, training for the teachers and internet connection.
The total figure represents less than 5% of the country's education budget.
Around 70% of the XO model laptops handed out by the government were given to children who did not have computers at home.
"This is not simply the handing out of laptops or an education programme. It is a programme which seeks to reduce the gap between the digital world and the world of knowledge," explained Miguel Brechner, director of the Technological Laboratory of Uruguay and in charge of Plan Ceibal.
"A revolution"
In the run up to Uruguay's general election on 25 October, the project is being promoted as an achievement of the Tabaré Vázquez government.
"It's been a revolution, which has helped us enormously, but it hasn't been easy," explained Lourdes Bardino, head teacher of School 173 in Las Piedras.
Ms Bardino said that some teachers were originally opposed to the introduction of the XO laptops.
"We have a lady who's been teaching for 30 years and when they gave us the computers and the training, she asked for leave because she didn't want to have anything to do with the programme. Later she changed her mind and now computers have changed the way she teaches."
All the teachers have been given training, but the extent to which they use the laptops in the classroom is up to them.
Research carried out recently by the State Education authorities revealed that some teachers have chosen not to include computer-related work in their lesson plans.
Costs and criticisms
The laptops have an open source Linux operating system with a user interface called Sugar. It has attracted some criticism from detractors for not being mainstream.
However Mr Brechner believes that children should learn computer skills regardless of the software available. Blind children were being taught on a Microsoft Windows operating system, he said.
The annual cost of maintaining the programme, including an information portal for pupils and teachers, will be US$21 (£13) per child.
The future

“ Its a culture shock scenario - many countries are simply too scared to put it into practice ”
Miguell Brechner, head of Plan Ceibal

Now that all the schoolchildren have their computers, the authorities say that they will endeavour keep the schools connected, particularly those in rural areas, where many still do not have internet access.
There are plans to extend the scheme to secondary schools and pre-school children next year.
Organisers of the Plan Ceibal have set up a consultancy in order to advise other countries wishing to replicate the Uruguayan experience.
Mr Brechner said that Rwanda, Haiti, El Salvador, Paraguay, some provinces in Argentina and Colombia have been in touch although they have not yet decided to contract their services.
"We would help them with tenders, planning, evaluation, which software to use, how to spread the word, training, all the "know how" we have developed. We don't have a manual. It´s a culture shock scenario - many countries are simply too scared to put it into practice."

Congratulations, Uruguay! You have surpassed the USA and all the other countries who believe their educational system is the best. Perhaps as we, the USA, sink into the knowledge that we ARE a third world country (in things that matter most), we will apply for the laptop program for our students as well.
--Delta

No, This Is Why You're Fat - The 7000 Calorie Macaroni Salad

2009-10-15T16:10:00.000-04:00

Last night when we were thinking about the next bacon creation, we wondered what the highest caloric food item may be that did not contain bacon (weird, huh?). We came across this video that is disgusting, sick, pathetic, and slightly disturbing. Simply Sara shows you how to make a 7000 calorie macaroni salad that is quite possibly the definition of fat. Ingredients and calories are listed below.

1 can sweetened condensed milk (1300 calories)
1 cup sugar (775 calories)
1 cup white vinegar (40 calories)
1 jar of mayonnaise (2880 calories)
1 box of macaroni (1600 calories)
Red pepper, onion, celery (90 calories)
4 large carrots shredded (120 calories)
Total of 6805 calories. Ugh.

Traditional Godless Socialism

2009-10-15T06:29:00.000-04:00

The BBC is reporting that couples in Chongqing, China’s biggest provincial municipality, will not be allowed to divorce during the eight-day celebration of 60 years of communist rule. But that weddings will continue unabated. This is clearly an attempt by the Chinese leapfrog our own anti-divorce initiatives and to seize the lead in promoting traditional values. A Chinese ban on divorce — coupled with loosening the “one child per family” rule — would allow the Chinese to dominate the planet with sheer numbers.

We are doing our best to keep up, but we can’t keep relying on the Duggar family. Eventually, that woman will simply run out of eggs to fertilize. And strategies such as promoting “abstinence only” sex education and distributing Jagermeister and slutty Halloween costumes to our nation’s universities are just stopgap measures at best.

So getting a divorce not only makes the baby Jesus cry, it also threatens our very national security.

Bar Owner With Racist Anti-Obama Sign: Obama’s A ‘Half-Breed’

2009-10-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

The Georgia Peach Museum and Restaurant — which boasts that it is “the original Klan bar” on its website — caused a media firestorm last week when it put up a sign that read, “Obama’s plan for health care – [n-word] rig it.” The restaurant’s owner, Patrick Lanzo, told a local paper that his sign is “strictly about free speech,” and noted that he has in the past been a member of the NAACP and has marched on behalf of gay rights.
Yesterday, radio host Alan Colmes hosted Lanzo and gave him a chance to explain why he chose to use the n-word on his sign. When Colmes chided Lanzo for using the word to refer to Obama, an African American, the restaurant owner responded that Obama isn’t an African American but a “half breed”:

COLMES: No one’s questioning that you have the first amendment right to do it. That’s not the issue.
LANZO: You’re saying it’s not politically correct.
COLMES: It’s not a matter of being politically correct. It’s downright offensive, it’s downright insulting, it’s downright nasty and meanspirited towards a group of people who have been spending fighting for equality. Finally we get an African American president and you’re busy using the n-word to describe something he wants to do in terms of fixing health care.
LANZO: Well, see that would offend me, because I don’t look at Obama bein’ an African American. What’s wrong with him being a Black American? And he’s even a half-breed, he’s not a full black person.
COLMES: Well, again, the word half-breed is rather an insulting term.

Listen here:

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution interviewed Lanzo inside his restaurant last week. They took this picture of him, where a “Whites Only” swimming pool sign sits underneath a portrait of Barack Obama:

Check out this guy's website: http://www.gapeachbar.com/ (especially the signs) -Delta

Memo to Glenn Beck: As long as you're making corrections ...

2009-10-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

By David Neiwert Tuesday
Dear Glenn Beck:
You like to regularly tell your audience -- often during one of those faux-humility schticks -- that you only report the truth, that your credibility is "everything" to you, and that your material is rigorously fact-checked, and by golly that if you get something wrong, folks just have to let you know and you'll correct it right there on that program.
Thing is, you produce such a torrent of falsehoods it's hard to keep up. And you routinely ignore it when it's pointed out to you.
Apparently the only time you'll acknowledge a factual falsehood is when it's pointed out by the White House. Yesterday, responding Anita Dunn's criticisms of Fox -- which included some specifics about your various errors of fact -- you finally admitted to a correction:

Beck: They are more worried about the war on Fox than the actual war in Afghanistan. And boy, there are some zingers. They say that we are completely irresponsible. Like when I said -- this is one they pointed out -- when I said that Major Garrett was never called on. Let me -- let me just correct that huge error right up front. He has been called on. Yeah.
Another one they point out is when I called Van Jones a radical, communist, anarchist czar. The White House would like me to remind you that, uh, he wasn't really a czar. ... I didn't think that was really the problem with that, but maybe I don't understand how this game works anymore.
I am so busted! I'm glad the White House has cleared up that very, very important fact for the future of America.

That's good, Glenn. Now maybe you can issue some corrections on other things -- including, the other things you called Van Jones (since calling him a "radical communist anarchist" is so self-evidently nonsensical, not to mention a McCarthyite smear, it's likely the White House chose not to debunk that because it's not worth dignifying). For starters, how about the time you falsely called Van Jones a "convicted felon"?

BECK: We've spent some time over here. There is so much more to cover, but I want to talk to you about the green movement root. I couldn't figure out why the green movement -- here is Van Jones. This is a convicted felon, a guy who spent, I think, six months in prison after the Rodney King beating.

And while you're at it, here are some other corrections you need to make for your audience:
-- Those "bombs" being set off by nefarious eco-terrorists? There were no bombs -- just a land excavator.
-- Those scary black militants doing a team martial-arts routine? They were actually a dance troupe.
-- That nefarious Diego Rivera painting in the Rockefeller Center? It was removed on Rockefeller's orders. (Heck, just watch Cradle Will Rock sometime; the painting figures prominently in the plot.)
-- Those 1.7 million protesters who showed up for the 9-12 event? Um, dude, it wascloser to 60,000. Little bitta difference there.
-- Just like Van Jones, Peter Orszag isn't a "czar." He passed congressional approval.
-- UAW workers do not make $154 an hour.
-- Unions do not, as you've claimed, need only 30 percent approval from employees in order to be established. It's still the usual 51 percent.
-- Those "doors replaced with stimulus funds? They were hangar doors. And they didn't cost "$1.4 million." More like $256,100. Again, bitta difference.
-- Contrary to your claim that "only 3 percent" of the stimulus plan would be spent in its first year, the actual plan calls for closer to 21 percent of the plan spent in the first seven-and-a-half months alone.
-- Just because we can breathe it doesn't disqualify carbon dioxide from consideration as a pollutant -- particularly at high levels. You breathe carbon monoxide in nontoxic quantities all the time, too.
-- Contrary to your sneering claim, Paul Krugman not only didn't miss the housing bubble, he was one of the few to be warning about it long in advance.
Those are just some of the more recent falsehoods you've broadcast, entirely since you've come aboard at Fox.
But somehow -- considering how non-seriously you took your obligations to correct the false facts already pointed out to you -- we really don't expect you to actually correct them. Because it would take a long time and would be really embarrassing, and you don't do embarrassing -- except when it's time to spring a gusher.
No, it's much easier to rant that the White House -- in calling you out for your relentless, paranoid, fact-deprived attacks on the Obama administration as an enclave of scary militant black radicals who want to remake the USA into a communist/anarchist/fascist/whatever state -- is "trying to shut this network down." Surround Fox headquarters on a map with toy tanks. Whatever.
Of course, no one's trying to shut Fox down. That would be absurd and futile. But it would be nice if, eventually, you all would live up to the claim to be a "news" operation instead of the vicious propaganda machine you have become -- especially with the likes of you aboard.
Sincerely, Dave

2010 California Marriage Protection Act

2009-10-13T18:09:00.000-04:00

A few weeks back we introduced you to John Marcotte, a writer who runs the site BadMouth.net, and is collecting signatures to get the "California Protection of Marriage Act" on the ballot. If passed this initiative would make divorce illegal in California.

John doesn't really want to ban divorce--he's making a point about gay rights, specifically that if you want to argue that gay marriage is bad for traditional marriage, you'll have to agree divorce is worse for it. His group at RescueMarriage.Org recently made the following PSA which argues that "Children of single-parent homes are repulsive and unlovable," and that "Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be."

The Wunder Boner

2009-10-13T12:44:00.002-04:00

Quote of the Day

2009-10-12T15:42:00.000-04:00

From World Magazine's review of Newt Gingrich's new documentary "Rediscovering God in America II: Our Heritage":

On balance, the film doesn't dig very deeply into the issue of religion in civic life. But the Gingriches avoid some controversy by refusing to name America a Christian nation outright. One difficulty may be that the Gingriches themselves are narrating a film about values in American society when Callista is Newt's third wife and his former mistress.

Morals Without God

2009-10-12T13:53:00.001-04:00

Frans de Waal

Posted: October 10, 2009

Without God, we will live like animals!

After listening to the debate between Bill O'Reilly and Richard Dawkins, it struck me again that the resistance to evolutionary theory largely stems from the illusion that without God there can be no morality. Some believers feel threatened by evolutionary theory not because the theory is right or wrong -- the evidence doesn't seem to matter much to them -- but because accepting it would mean accepting that we have been created by natural processes including our morality. The final part is what bothers them the most.

O'Reilly exclaimed that at least Jesus had "advanced the human condition in a moralistic way" and another believer, Reverend Al Sharpton, expressed the same sentiment in a 2007 debate in the New York Public Library:

"If there is no order to the universe, and therefore some being, some force that ordered it, then who determines what is right or wrong? There is nothing immoral if there's nothing in charge."

Similarly, I have heard people literally echo Dostoevsky's Ivan Karamazov, exclaiming that "If there is no God, I am free to rape my neighbor!"

Perhaps it is just me, but I'd be wary of anyone whose belief system is the only thing standing between them and repulsive behavior. Why not assume that our humanity, including the self-control needed for a livable society, is built into us? Does anyone truly believe that our ancestors lacked rules of right and wrong before they had religion? Did they never assist others in need, or complain about an unfair deal?

Human morality must be quite a bit older than religion and civilization. It may, in fact, be older than humanity itself. Other primates live in highly structured social groups in which rules and inhibitions apply and mutual aid is a daily occurrence. Acts of genuine kindness do occur in animals as they do in humans. Altruistic behavior serves a cooperative group life, which benefits the actors of such behavior, yet the behavior is fueled by its own autonomous motivations, which vary from self-serving to other-regarding.

The animal kingdom offers so many examples that I surely cannot summarize them here (see my new book, The Age of Empathy), but the interesting part is not so much whether animals have empathy and compassion, but how it works.

In one experiment, we placed two capuchin monkeys side by side: separate, but in full view. One of them needed to barter with us with small plastic tokens. The critical test came when we offered a choice between two differently colored tokens with different meaning: one token was "selfish," the other "prosocial." If the bartering monkey picked the selfish token, it received a small piece of apple for returning it, but its partner got nothing. The prosocial token, on the other hand, rewarded both monkeys equally at the same time. The monkeys gradually began to prefer the prosocial token. The procedures were repeated many times with different pairs of monkeys and different sets of tokens, and the monkeys kept picking the prosocial option showing how much they care about each other's welfare.

A flourishing new field of evolutionary ethics focuses on how humans solve moral dilemmas (usually not in a rational Kantian way), which parts of the brain are involved (often old "emotional" parts), why moral tendencies evolved in the human species (probably to promote cooperation), what kind of animal parallels can be found (from prosocial tendencies to obeying social rules), how empathy evolved out of mammalian maternal care (which explains why in human adults the hormone oxytocin stimulates trust and empathy), and how religion piggy-backs on moral sentiments to promote a cohesive society. The sequence of how various tendencies came into being is: first social instincts and empathy, then morality, and finally religion. This is of course quite the opposite from the origin story of Christian religion.

If human morality is part of the larger scheme of nature, there is neither a good reason to look at evolutionary theory as undermining morality nor to look at God as a requirement for it. Raping your neighbor is destructive to society whether you believe in God or not. Conversely, I have never seen convincing evidence that a belief in God keeps people from immoral behavior. Those who think that without God humanity would lack a moral compass totally underestimate the antiquity of our moral sense.